


Prisoner of War

by AnnaKnimos



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Canon Divergence - Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), F/M, Fluff and Angst, He doesn't like his prosthetic, Infinity War and Endgame don't happen, Sam and Dean Winchester stop by, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, and sleep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:07:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23641324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaKnimos/pseuds/AnnaKnimos
Summary: No matter how much he ran, he was never free. He could never escape his past. The memories that concealed themselves in the dark waiting to envelope him in their treacherous hold. He had a new name and a new home but his old life haunted him like a ghost with an unholy vengeance. But when a new face appears and lights something in him he once thought was forever gone, he decided that he would run no more.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Comments: 8
Kudos: 27





	1. Witness

You sighed as the man in front of you wouldn't stop yelling. 

"Sir, I understand that your son got ahold of it but we can't give you a refund."

He was in your face, red and fuming while waving a limited edition of Pride and Prejudice. You knew he was lying. You remembered the customer that bought the collector's item vividly as the older woman hugged you and thanked you profusely after you confirmed that you indeed had the item. You glanced at the security camera and hoped that nothing serious would occur. You already knew he was a thief and a liar and you hoped it would stop there as you thought of what you would tell your boss, Mr.Richards, who didn't need the headache on his vacation.

"Where's the f*cking manager? You can't talk to me like that! Who the hell do you think you are?"

You steeled your nerves and your palms formed fists on the countertop as you tried your best to push back the tears that were starting to form in your eyes.

Bucky looked at the scene from where he stood behind one of the shelves. He wanted to pummel him, kick him, destroy him for even _thinking_ about talking to you that way. Especially when you were nothing but polite to the dickhead. But he hoped the man would walk away before he decided to engage. He didn't need to cause a scene and call attention to himself, especially not in front of the security camera.

"I _am_ the manager and there's a strict return policy. It was on the receipt you _lost_." You could have laughed in his face.

The man scoffed. "Well get me the owner then! You're clearly nobody and I wanna talk to whoever's in charge!"

Bucky tried to calm himself before he did anything rash. He took a few breaths and steadied his hands. _Breathe, James. Remember who you are now._ He managed for a few seconds until what the man said next sent him spiraling.

"Sir the owner is out today and he won't be back for another we-"

"Listen to me you stupid b*tch! Get on the **damn** phone and get me the owner. You don't know who the _hell_ you're dealing with."

 _No. He didn't know who the hell_ he _was dealing with_ , Bucky thought as he marched over to the angry black haired man threatening you, careful of the camera between the bookshelves at the front as always.

"Is there a problem here?" He was surprised that he managed to keep his composure as he glared at him.

He took a short glance toward you and his heart ached at the helpless look in your eyes. He held your gaze for a second, assuring you that everything would be okay, until the man turned his anger toward him.

"This ain't any of your business pal, move along." The man turned back to you and Bucky grit his teeth.

"You _made_ it my business when you raised your voice. You **don't** talk to her like that."

"Who the hell are you tellin' me what to do. Huh?" Bucky felt his back collide harshly with the wall behind him, knocking down a vintage painting that your boss purchased at the town's annual charity auction, as the man pushed him. You winced as the frame split and crashed to the floor. You loved that painting. It helped add to the classic atmosphere of the quiet bookstore. You ignored the pang in your heart for the ruined work of art and made a move to rush to Bucky's side, but he motioned for you to stay back. You turned your wide eyes on the man as he placed his hands on his hips and smirked.

You pulled out your phone and discreetly dialled for help. You prayed that he would ignore as you whispered the situation and address to the operator. 

Bucky slowly rose and dusted his jacket off as best as he could, the dust from the artwork clinging to the grey fabric of his shirt.

"I knocked you on your a** once and I'll do it again if you don't mind your business. Now you- what are you doing?" The angry man turned on you.

Your eyes went wide as you removed the phone from your ear and backed away. "Nothing I..I was just calling the owner and...and explai-"

"Bullsh*t! Give me that." He grabbed your fist harshly and yanked the phone from your shaking hand and threw it to the ground. You watched as it cracked into pieces and tried to blink back the tears in your eyes. The man cornered you where you stood and you could smell the alcohol on his breath as he loomed over you, your wrist still in his death like grip. Bucky saw red when the man touched you.

Your heart pounded in your chest at the thought of what he was going to do next when you noticed a hand latch onto his shoulder.

"Don't **f*cking** touch her!" Bucky slammed the man to the floor and placed his arm against his throat. The man struggled against him and tried to pry the prosthetic arm off his neck. _C'mon James...you don't do this anymore. You don't hurt others anymore. Yeah, he's definitely a special brand of a**hole, but things are different now._ He loosened the hold on the man's throat and took a deep breath. When he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder he looked up to your soft eyes and it only strengthened his resolve. 

He heard the door jingle as two police officers rushed in. 

"Afternoon ma'am. I'm Officer Dean Winchester, this is my partner Officer Sam Winchester. I know I know we're brothers but only one of us got the handsome gene."

The other Winchester rolled his eyes and grit his teeth, "Hi Y/n."

You gave Sam a small wave. Dean furrowed his brows then looked at you, deciding to do business first, then ask questions later.

"We got a call about a violent customer." Dean clenched his jaw after giving you a once over, then eyed the the pair on the ground wearily and looked at his brother/partner.

You nodded and swallowed the lump in your throat.

"Yes he's...he's right there." You pointed where he lay, still angry.  
Sam grabbed Bucky by the shoulders and put him on his feet. You panicked as you realised that they thought Bucky was the offender.

Bucky tensed as the officer tightened the grip on his arms.

"No, wait. He's the one that helped me. _That's_ him." You looked to the man who was clearly happy to be out of Bucky's grip.

"Ma'am we're going to need proof of that." You could have rolled your eyes at that. You were right there. You saw what happened. Bucky looked down to the floor as Sam subdued his arms behind his back. It didn't matter if he changed, he was still treated as a monster.  
  
You moved behind the counter and cued up the footage on the computer. Dean walked over to you and smirked, "You new in town? I've never seen you around."

You fingers stilled for a beat, then continued typing. Bucky clenched his jaw and glared at him.

"I moved here a couple years ago. I just don't get out much. There's no audio, but here." You hurriedly loaded the video and moved to the side for Dean to take a look.

Dean cleared his throat and steadied his eyes on the screen. After a few minutes, he spoke to Sam.

"Sammy boy. Let him go." The uniformed man released Bucky roughly and raised an eyebrow.

"Not our guy?" Sam inquired. 

Dean walked over to the drunk ingrate and put his hands behind his back.

"Hey what hell are you-"

"Shut up. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do can and will be held against you in a court of law..."

You couldn't focus on the words as you noticed the pained look in Bucky's eyes. You wanted nothing more than to reach out to him. You were no stranger to what happened over the years. You watched the news, you read the books, you went to the museum and you saw the videos. James Buchanan Barnes was a POW that never gained his freedom. He spent more than half his life executing an agenda of the group that once hoped to rule the world, Hydra. After wiping out some of the most powerful leaders across the globe and establishing a reign of terror in the underground world under the control of none other than Alexander Pierce, he found himself reunited with his old friend, Steve Rogers or as he was better known, Captain America. 

You remembered the search for The Winter Soldier, a man once thought dead long ago. You remembered the bombing at the signing of the accords. You remembered the distaste you felt for the murderous man. Until that turned to guilt when you learned that he was framed and more research led you to the tragic past of James Buchanan Barnes, who was forced into a life running with his only friend in the world Steve, till the rogue Avengers were all given a pardon at the hearing of the century. The Avengers dissolved a few months after that, the world declared free of danger and no longer under siege by any threat.

You remembered how surprised you were when he walked into the little bookstore you managed in the small town you currently resided in. Throughout your life, the only famous person you came into contact with was Mr. Soldano. The spaghetti sauce king. You'd helped him find the way to his hotel and the next day you were thanked with a basket of a variety of sauce blends. You ate spaghetti for an entire week and your fridge was still stocked with the jars of heavenly mixes of tomatoes, herbs and spices.

You remembered being calm. After getting over the initial shock, you remembered he was just a regular person and you could imagine that if you were him, you'd definitely want to be treated and seen as such. So when he furrowed his thick, dark brows and muttered under his breath, you didn't hesitate to walk over and help him find what he was looking for. 

_"Hello...would you like some help." You twiddled your thumbs as your nerves bubbled in your stomach, threatening to bring up your breakfast._

_Your eyes softened when he pounded his fist against his head. You turned away slightly as you decided that it was a private moment, but your heart ached for him, hoping that the gloves he wore at least softened the blow._

_Bucky hadn't noticed your presence till he felt a hand on his shoulder. When he looked up he took a breath._

_"H-hi." His voice was weak. Hoarse from the crying session he held in his small apartment earlier that day._

_He cursed himself for being nervous in front of a dame._ What happened to the Bucky that made girls melt with one smile? C'mon, Barnes. Take it slow.

_"Hi." Her hands shook as she smiled. Teeth bare and lips wide open. He took in the genuine look in your eyes and couldn't remember the last time someone was natural around him. He cemented your smile in his memory._

_"Are...are you alright?" Your eyes held immense concern and he blinked furiously._

_"Yeah I just...I'm looking for something." He thought back to the words his mother spoke to him as a child. Curled up in bed, exhausted from making mischief in the streets with his partner in crime and resident punk Steve. It was his favourite book. He remembered there was a princess and a cursed pig, but not much else. He explained this to you and your eyes lit up._

_"The Enchanted Pig!" He relished in the way your eyes shone and the lightbulb in his head flicked on at the name._

_"Yeah that's...that's it. The Enchanted Pig. I tried the libraries and the stores in the city but, no luck. Do-do you have it by any chance?" He scratched the back of his neck and licked his lips, chancing another look into your sweet eyes._

_He jumped when you grabbed his hand (the one he tried to hide) and took him to a little nook at the back of the store. He tried desperately to hide his blush. Coughing when you looked his way._

_"All the fairytales are here. We have classics from all over the world. The Enchanted Pig was always one of my favourites." You thought about how much the man in the story reminded you of him. Both were transformed into lowly creatures by evil forces and seen as such by others You thought of how lonely such an ill-fated life must have been and frowned._

_You bent down and ran your finger along the bottom shelf, eyeing the titles of every book. Bucky's heart leaped at how keen you were on helping him, even if he didn't deserve it._

_"Ah. Here it is,_ **Povești de odinioară**. _"_

_Bucky's blue eyes widened. The words rolled off your tongue like second nature and his heart starting beating furiously in his broad chest. You smiled as you ran your hand along the leather cover. The words printed in gold at the front._

_"We only have it as part of a collection of stories in their original language, I've tried to access some of the individual editions for years. I know this broker...he's full of empty promises and has a foul mouth, but he's procured some of the most beautiful stories I've ever read. I like foreign folklore and I know some of the stories by heart, in English and in the language of the author. It's kind of a hobby of mine and-" you peeked at Bucky through your eyelashes and held the bridge of your nose._

_"I'm sorry...I'm rambling." Bucky chuckled, he liked the passion and fire your voice held. It was unlike the shy girl he met just moments before but just as endearing. He savoured_ _how easily you spoke to him, like he was a regular guy._

_"It's alright.." he looked at you, silently asking your name._

_"Oh, I'm Y/n. Nice to meet you." You held out your hand and he took it gently. The warmth spread through your entire arm and you shuddered._

_"I..." He paused for a beat, wondering if he should_ _reveal who he was. He was given a new identity to protect himself after choosing to brave the world on his own. Steve was heartbroken when he told him his decision, but he had nothing but good wishes when Bucky packed his bags and started a new chapter in his life, not knowing where the road would take him. He figured you weren't a threat, and there was a look of familiarity in your eyes when you approached. He had hoped that no one would know him in this small town (it was in the middle of nowhere, the perfect location), but he decided he would take a chance. He could always run if everything went South._

_"I'm James."_

_Despite having a good feeling about you, he waited for what he thought was the inevitable. The questions, the concerns, the insults...but they never came. Instead, you gave him a sincere smile and took your time looking for the words to say._

_"I..I know who you are. I just want to say that I'm really sorry about what happened to you. You didn't deserve any of it." He didn't let go of your hand and you started to feel a little uncomfortable. Even though he meant no harm, he had a strong grip and your hand was starting to ache. But before you could voice this he pulled his hand out of yours and looked to the floor._

_"Thank you." A beat of silence passed before you spoke again, and Bucky prayed that the fluttering in his chest would go away._

_"Here it is. If you don't want to get the entire book, you're more than welcome to sit and read if you like."_

_You held open the pages to the story, the words screaming at him from where they lay._

_**Porcul cel fermecat**_

_Bucky didn't intend to stay more than a few minutes. He needed to get home. He didn't want to be outside more than he had to. But there was something in your eyes that willed him to take a trip down memory lane, even if he crashed in the process. So he accepted the book from your hands and settled in the large walnut bergere chair nestled in the comfort of the secluded part of the quiet bookstore._

_"Let me know if you need anything. I'm just at the front."_

_Bucky nodded timidly and you smiled when his eyes fell on the pages and returned to your position at the counter. You checked the inventory and added the recent stock purchases_ _into the system. Ten minutes had passed and you wondered if James was okay. You decided against interrupting though, instead returning to your duties. You then started preparing the weekly report to email to Mr.Richards. You were just about to finish when the robust brunette suddenly appeared in front of you. You gasped and held your chest._

_Bucky refused to look at you._

_"Didn't see you there. How'd it go?"_

_He blinked a few times before answering, "It...it brought back some old memories...some that I..." Bucky inhaled deeply and closed his eyes. He decided it was time to return home, but not before informing you of his gratitude._

_"Thank you, Y/n." Before you had a chance to respond, he was out the door. You could have sworn his eyes were redder and he looked more exhausted than before. You tried to push down the sorrow in your heart for the gloved man as you returned to your work._

* * *

Dean looked to Bucky and gave him a tight smile. "Sorry about uh...you know. We got some distressed calls about an assailant in the area. Robberies, some cases of assault. Been trying to catch the guy for months. When we saw you over the lowlife here we just assumed you were him. But thanks to you we caught the right guy. Now he _definitely_ matches the description."

The drunk who was silent till now decided to speak up, "Hey, th-this guy's no b-better than me. D'ya see wh-what he did to m-me?" His speech was slurred through a torrent of hiccups and it escaped you how alcohol could change the behaviour of a person so drastically. You despised the words he spoke and settled your eyes on Bucky, who simply kept his gaze low and his mouth shut. 

"Shut the hell up. I seem to recall seeing you making the first move. Now I believe that allows this man to press charges. " Dean tightened the cuffs on his wrist. 

Bucky finally spoke. Voice strained.

"That's not necessary. This guy's not worth the hassle."

Dean shrugged his shoulder and motioned for Sam to retrieve the perp. "Can't argue there."

"You get extra points for being drunk this time. Our pals in the next town over told us about your escapades through the east. They're gonna so happy when we tell them we've got you." Sam scowled at the man in his possession.

The next question made you furrow your brows at Dean.

"So uh..how do you two know eachother?"

Sam rolled his eyes and looked pointedly at his brother. "It's simple really. I read, you don't. After all, you got the handsome gene but I got the smart one." With that Sam bid you goodbye with a small smile then proceeded to the patrol car with the perp.

Dean called out to his brother, "Hey I read books! I just happen to like them with pictures." He mumbled the last part as he turned to you.

" Uh anyway, about the incident. What was the item he was fussing about?"

You turned your eyes away from Bucky and motioned to the forgotten book on the floor. You pondered on whether or not you should ask if they would be able to return it to the owner as it was one of the more expensive items, even with the added scratches on a few of the pages. Dean reached into his pockets and retrieved a glove. He slid the latex casing onto his hand and bagged the book.

"Hey, I saw this movie. Girl was pretty hot. Wonder if she's hot in the book too..." He cleared his throat as you gave him a look of disdain.

"The idiot probably stole it and tried to make a quick buck. Must've ruined these pages himself. Wouldn't be the first time. I'm sorry about this but, his prints are on it. And we need all the evidence we can get to connect him to the other crimes. The phone could be useful too. Well not for calls or anything haha.." his laugh reverberated throughout the otherwise silent store and when you didn't smile, his face instantly turned to one of sincerity. You understood that he was trying to lighten the mood and you decided to calm yourself as guilt spread over you.

"Sure. I'm just happy you caught the guy." You folded your arms.

"Trust me I am too. We're also gonna need an official statement from the both of you. I'd like you both to come down to the station. It won't take too long. We don't get a lot of cases here. Sad to say it but, when we heard about sticky fingers over there we got excited. This town's quieter than a monk." 

Bucky wouldn't say it out loud, but what Dean said only confirmed that he made the right call moving to this town. 

"You two need a ride or...?" Dean raised his brows and motioned to Bucky and you with a finger.

"Oh I have a ride thanks." You eyed Bucky wearily as Dean turned to him expectantly.

"What about you?" Bucky stammered. He could walk but that would raise suspicions. He cursed himself for not accepting the car Tony offered him. He felt helpless till you spoke up.

"He'll be riding with me." Your eyes were sure and Dean nodded. Bucky's wide eyes turned on you.

"I'll see you both down there." Dean gave a small smile then left.

You sighed heavily and tried to massage your temple. You felt a huge headache coming on.

You were relishing in the small sense of relief when Bucky voiced his thoughts.

"Y/n?"

You looked at him with a sad smile.

Bucky's heart broke.Ask her if she's ok. Ask her if she needs anything.

"Will you get to the station ok?" He sighed.

You raised a brow.

"Yeah. My car is in the lot next door." He walked over to the door and you hurried in front of him.

"What are you doing?"

"I'll meet you there."

"You're gonna walk? Bucky I said you're riding with me and that's what's gonna happen."

Before he could protest you held up a finger. "It's not up for debate. Let me just grab my purse." 

As Bucky stood there he wondered how many more times you would make him smile tonight.

-

"Ms.Y/l/n, Mr.Stan, thank you for your time. You both did great," Dean said when he returned to the waiting area with Bucky.

You furrowed your brows at the fake name. _Mr.Stan? Doesn't even fit him._ Bucky looked at you in the corner of his eye as if he knew what you were thinking.

"About the book, since it was used to commit another crime, we're definitely gonna need to hold it as evidence till the trial. But after then if the owner comes in with the right documents and evidence of ownership, should be able to retrieve it. And don't worry about the damaged property. Criminal restitution would definitely come into effect with a case like this, so you'll be compensated."

You gave Dean a huge smile and thanked him.

"Thank you so much. I'll be sure to let my boss know. He loved that painting." You beamed as Dean returned your sentiment. 

"Will we need to testify?" That was the one thing on Bucky's mind. Being in a court of law on the witness stand was not something you did to keep a low profile.

Dean shook his head, "There's no need. The footage is enough. But they're taking the perp back East to where his little field trips started, his hometown. He'll be sentenced there."

Bucky's mind was turning. He forgot about the security footage. He took extra precautions so the camera would never pick up his face, but he still prayed that no one would recognise who he was.

"Thank you again, Officer Winchester. You've been more than helpful."

"Hey, just doin' ma job. And uh...it was nice meeting you. I hope to see you around sometime." He smirked.

"Oh well you can come check out our kid's section! It's never too late to move on from picture books, we have great transition starters." You smirked right back at him as Bucky sniggered.

"Smart _and_ funny. I just might do that . You two have a goodnight." You shook your head at Dean's retreating form.

"I know someone just tried to rob you tonight, but hey things could be worse. You could be dating that guy." Bucky smiled at his solid attempt at jest. _Hey, look at you Barnes. You're comin' back._

"Tell me about it, _Mr.Stan_." His smile disappeared. You folded your arms and exited the police station with a nervous Bucky Barnes on your tail. 


	2. Memory

" _Sebastian Stan_? _That's_ the name they came up with? _That's_ the name you agreed to?"  
You tried your best to keep your focus on the road as you tried to wrap your head around the ridiculous cover chosen for one of the most (formerly) dangerous and deadly assassins to ever walk planet earth.  
  
"Hey, a professional team put together a bunch of names and we settled on that one. It stands out a little, but it isn't too flashy. Increases the credibility."

"Well you _definitely_ look like a Sebastian. The alliteration is a nice touch." The sarcasm was pouring out of you like the diarrhea session you had last week after deciding that the old Chinese food in your fridge was good enough to eat. 

The silence that followed was deafening, and when his pained voice rang through the quiet of the car, guilt crept up on you.

"It's all I have." His voice was barely above a whisper.

You slowed as the light turned red and spared a glance at him.  
  
"That's who I have to be now. I....I can't keep running..." You could see the war within his blue eyes. A man forced to live a life of death and bloodshed, a whisper of who he used to be left within himself. You thought of your life and how average it was, how you always wished for more. There was conflict within your own heart as you realised how lucky you were. Here was a man begging for an ounce of normalcy, and here you were imagining what your life would be like without it. You reached over and placed a gentle hand on his where it lay trembling wildly on his thigh. 

Bucky stilled. The warmth of your fingertips seemed to transfer through his synthetic digits and there was that fluttering in his chest again. He turned to you and smiled.  
  
You smiled back at him and before you could offer a word of comfort a loud honk sounded from behind you. You rolled your eyes as you recognized the driver in the rearview mirror. It was the Prius Prick, a severely impatient middle aged man who you've had multiple encounters with in the small town. You lifted your hand away from Bucky's and continued on the drive.

He swallowed the lump in his throat and coughed. He didn't know what to think of what occurred between the two of you moments ago, but he appreciated the consideration in your eyes and the warmth of your touch. He thought that maybe, just maybe things would be okay in this small town.

You pulled into the parking lot and got out of your car. Bucky followed you into the bookstore after you unlocked the door and your heart instantly dropped at the sight of the ruined painting that you had forgotten about during the drive with Bucky. You dropped your purse onto the counter and pulled off your coat. He watched your slow movements and searched his mind for the right words to say. When he saw you get on your knees and slowly pick up the pieces, he began to do the same. 

Suddenly it hit you. Everything that happened earlier that day. It was the first time in your life you had experienced true terror. You didn't want to cry in front of Bucky. You had to be strong. Compared to what he went through, you were walking on sunshine. But it didn't change the fact that you would never forget the crazed look in the man's eyes or the feeling of his hand tightening around your wrist. Your resolve crumbled as a tear slipped from your glassy eyes. You didn't even register the deep slit along your right palm from a broken piece of glass you had picked up. 

Bucky didn't hesitate to rush to the restroom through the door behind the counter. As he searched frantically through the cabinet for anything that could be used to sterilize the wound, the sound of your broken sobs ran through his mind. He hated seeing the fear in your eyes, hearing the shallowness of your breath when that beast touched you. His hands shook furiously as he lifted a roll of paper towels and set it back down. _Get it together, Barnes. She's hurt_.

He tried to quiet the fury in his mind as he thought of what he would do to anyone that dared to hurt you.

Before his thoughts could run rampant, his eyes fell on the first aid kit in the corner of the cabinet. He grabbed the case and the bottle of sanitizer but before he could rush to your side, you appeared in the doorway. 

"Hey. I was just coming to get you." His eyes were soft as they fell on you.

"I was just coming to show you where the kit was, but I see you've found it." 

Your eyes were red, but you weren't crying anymore. He set the kit on the small counter attached to the sink and you moved to open it. You grabbed the rubbing alcohol with your left hand but stopped when his large hand held onto yours.

"Use soap and water. That could irritate it even further. Here."

Bucky cupped the back of your injured hand and turned on the tap. He gently put it under the running water and you hissed at the sudden pressure on the wound. You watched as the sink filled with a swirl of red before it drained. He picked up the hand soap and pumped it into your palm. He ran his finger along your palm gently until it lathered and let the water run over it again. He shut the water off and carefully dried your palm with a towel. 

He placed his hands your waist delicately and lifted you onto the counter in one motion. Your sides tingled where he touched. You could have just as easily lifted yourself, but you chalked the action up to the 1940's gentlemen in him. A giggle escaped your throat. _What the hell was that? A little touch and you turn into a blushing schoolgirl?_ Bucky looked up at you as he rubbed a bit of ointment along the gash.

"What?" His eyes held confusion as he ran his finger along the wound.

You bit your lip at the slight pain and crossed your ankles.

"Nothing." You cleared your throat and pursed your lips.

Bucky smirked slyly and returned to your hand.

"Thanks for um...helping me with this." 

He glanced at you before cutting a length of gauze. 

"It's no problem. I've had to fix up more injuries than I can count." 

A soft chuckle followed and a sad smile fell on your lips as he bandaged the wound and secured it.

You had questions. The curiosity was killing you and you would be lying if you said you didn't think about what happened to him through the years. The articles and books you read were one thing, but you wanted to know the buried truth. The ones tucked away in the dark.

"What was it like?" You hoped the question wouldn't hit a nerve, but swore not to push anything if it did.

He stilled. His jaw clenched and his eyes focused on the tiled floor. He knew exactly what you meant. He understood the appeal. Who wouldn't be curious as to what transpired in his chaotic life? He searched for the words to say, not wanting to reveal anything that would motivate you to pure terror.

"When they uh...when they had me under. There were fragments of my past but never enough for me to-to piece them together. When they finally got the stuff outta my head, they were still...separate somehow. It-it was like I was trapped in someone else's body. Like I was barely there...barely alive. But...but then I remember every face..." his hands were shaking furiously and his nostrils flared.

"Every scream..." The grip he had on your wrist got tighter and tighter and you squirmed in your seat. He was suddenly very aware of the bit of blood that appeared through the gauze.

"Every drop of blood..." The grip on your wrist reminded him of when the vicious man threatened you. How angry he was, how much he wanted to ruin him for what he did. All Bucky could see was death. The criminal's face taunted him in his mind, laughing manically as it suddenly morphed into the first victim he was assigned, then the second and soon, all the poor souls the Soldier had taken suddenly flashed through his mind at once. He tensed as the images of them begging for mercy to no avail ran through his head. He wasn't with you anymore. He was lost in his own nightmare and suddenly the room was too small and the air too thin. 

You felt his fingers digging into your bone and you tried to pry them off. 

"Bucky...you're hurting me." The words fell through grit teeth as you hissed at the pain coursing through your arm. Blood seeping through the freshly bandaged wound. His crazed eyes and steel grip lead you back to what occurred earlier that day and your breathing quickened. You were aware that he was having an attack, you were aware that this was different from what happened, but you needed to get his hand off you. 

His breathing became shallow and his chest heaved rapidly. Wild, blue eyes darted around the room, focusing on nothing in particular. You gasped as he finally let go of your wrist. He sank to the floor and rocked back and forth. His fists pounded on his head like the first time you saw him. Eyes squeezed shut.  
  
"I'm sorry...I...I don't want to do this..." he repeated the words over and over under his breath.

The white tiles were suddenly painted in blood and the air was filled with agonizing screams of bloody murder.

"No! No! Don't hurt them!" he screamed.

Your eyes were wide as you hopped off the counter and took a step back. You could hear your heartbeat as you watched him hit his head with his fist repeatedly.

"Don't do this! They're innocent!" His gruff voice cut through the air so sharply, you thought your ears would bleed. You were terrified. Bucky was falling apart in front of your eyes. A man torn between worlds fighting to emerge on the right side. You didn't know what to do. But you knew you couldn't leave him like this. 

Your steps were light, approaching him as if he were a rabid dog capable of anything. 

"Bucky...you're safe."

You were a foot away from him now. He tugged on his hair and bared his teeth in a grimace. 

"No! He's...he's killing them!"  
  
You swallowed. "Bucky, there's no one else here...it's just you and me. Just us." You kept your voice light.

"No, no, no! He's here!"

You reached him and gingerly placed your hand on his shoulder. You sighed as the rocking stopped, but his eyes were still shut tight.

"No, he's not. Open your eyes...it's you and me. Nobody else."

You crouched down in front of him and placed both hands on his shoulders, hoping the blood from your wound wouldn't get caught on his jacket.

"He **is** here...he's _**dangerous.**_..he **_killed_** them.

You slowly moved your hands to his cheeks. The stubble rough against your palm. You ran your thumbs along his face and closed your eyes.

"You're _safe_. It's just you...and me." You repeated the same words back to him and looked at him once more, hoping that your efforts weren't in vain. 

He finally opened his eyes and the deep blue pierced through your gaze. They were filled with horror and deep dread.

"I- _ **I'm**_ dangerous... _ **I**_ killed them." A tear slid down his face as his eyes turned to glass. You pulled him into you and he wrapped his arms around you, holding onto you for dear life.

"I'm sorry.." he muttered through the tears. Voice broken.

"Shh...it's okay. You're okay."

The words he spoke haunted your mind. _I'm dangerous. I killed them_. You shook your head at them. You didn't believe for one second that any word of it was true.

Bucky didn't dare look at you. He was ashamed. He broke down and you saw all of it. It had been two weeks. Two weeks since he'd last had an episode. But the events of the day caught up to him and brought everything back when you posed the question. He knew it wasn't your fault, but he couldn't be around you in this moment. 

He removed his arms and stood up.

"Y/n I...I'm sorry I..." his eyes fell on your right hand, where blood dripped steadily, the gauze soaking in red.

"What did I do..." You followed his gaze and picked at the bandage.

He placed his hands at the back of his head and bit his lip.

"It was an accident. Really. It was already bleeding before you-

"Before I hurt you." His voice cracked. You knew what was coming. You tried to prolong it.

"No...no it's okay. _I'm_ okay. It just needs to be fixed up again. We can fix it." Your eyes pleaded with him.

"I hurt you, Y/n. I have to go. I'm sorry." With that he rushed out of the bathroom and you sighed as you heard the bell of the door ring through the air. 

He was gone. There was no way of knowing if he would be back. Thoughts of him packing his bags and leaving for good ran through your mind. You didn't want it to end like this. It had been only two weeks, but between the long talks about books, the stories about Steve and the dreams you shared, you've come to think of him as a friend. You felt like your heart was scooped out and dumped in the trash. You were worried about him. You wanted to help him, to make him see what you saw. But he was gone. He was gone and he was probably never coming back. 

Bucky inhaled deeply as he ran through the streets, under the cover of the dark corners. He thought about your eyes. Your smile. Your touch. He didn't want to leave, but he needed to get away from you. He hurt you and that was unforgivable. Why couldn't he control himself? Why was he triggered so easily? He was doing well. At least he thought he was, but today he screwed up. The lights blurred around him as his legs propelled him along the pavement. He stopped when your words rang through his mind.

_It just needs to be fixed up again. We can fix it._

There was no reason to run. You were right. He screwed up, but he could fix it. Both of you could. The soft look in your eyes ean through his mind. You weren't scared of him, even when he hurt you so why was he running? He turned around and his footsteps quickened with each thought of you.

You placed the last piece of the shattered frame in the trash bag and tied it. You were just about to lock the doors when you heard the jingle of the bell.

"I'm sorry but we're closed for the-" when you turned around you were greeted by Bucky's pleading eyes.

"Hi.." 

"Hi.."

You pursed your lips and looked down. A beat of silence followed before he spoke again.

"You were right. We can fix it." 

You looked up at him, he was already smiling back at you.


	3. Touch

"So that was the second attack you've gotten since you've been here?" You cupped the coffee before you on the table and raised it to your lips. The warm liquid trailing down your throat and warming your insides. 

After the incident, Bucky was a bit distant with you at first. His trips to the store were less frequent and his responses were curt. But he never failed to ask about your injury, or if there was any trouble when he wasn't there. You were grateful for the support, and you were more than happy that he decided to stick around, so when he visited the store yesterday, you asked him out for a cup of coffee. You expressed your wish to thank him properly for all his help, and he agreed. As the two of you sat in the quiet part of the coffeehouse and fell into easy conversation, he decided to share more about what happened.

"Yeah. Which is less than before. I used to get them at least 4 times a week. Bad dreams, someone knocked something over, sparring with Steve...all triggered it." Bucky pursed his lips as he thought of all the things that would send him falling down the rabbit hole, lost in the depths of his mind for what seemed like hours at a time, but was mere minutes.

"You've been doing better." You smiled at him. Tilting your head a bit to study his features. His crinkled brow, his down turned lips, the slight flare in his nostrils. 

"Maybe. But that doesn't change what happened." He swallowed hard, fighting to keep your whimpered voice out of his head. _You're hurting me._

"Hey," you didn't hesitate to place your hand on his, "I'm okay. It wasn't your fault. Don't I have a say in this?" Your eyes searched his for an answer. He looked down to where your hand rested on his. Bandage gone, wound far along in the healing phase. 

"Yeah. Yeah I guess you're right." He tapped the glass table with his synthetic fingers.

You removed your hand and sat up, "Besides, I'm the idiot that cut myself, remember? It's been a week, Buck. It's water under the bridge." You dismissed his worries with a wave of your hand and continued drinking your coffee. Bucky barely touched his.

"Yeah. I agree with you. You are an idiot." His lips split into a wide smile as his chest rumbled with laughter.

"Shut up, _Sebastian_." You rolled your eyes and drank the remainder of your coffee. Then, you stilled.

"Wow...I really am an idiot." Bucky looked at you in question.

"Huh?"

"I've been calling you Bucky so casually. But it's Sebastian now. What if someone heard...what if-what if-"

It was his turn to place a hand on yours, a reassuring smile on his lips, "Doll, it's alright. You've been more careful than you think. Trust me." 

You nodded, "Well, what about you? How does it feel going around trying to be someone else?"

Bucky shrugged and finally picked up the cup of coffee, "I've done it before. Not much different this time. This is actually the first time I've been out...up until now I just bounced between my apartment and the store."

You broke off a piece of the gigantic cinnamon bun you had ordered for the both of you, "You haven't explored the town yet?"

"No. It's better that way."

"Are you scared that you'll...you know."

"I can't risk it, Y/n. It's better if I avoid it." Bucky knew that leaving his place of residence to go anywhere other than where he frequented, would mean exposing himself to outside world. He didn't need that. He was perfectly fine where he was, even of he meant his life was gray like every stormy morning back when he was the soldier. _You haven't stopped being the soldier_. He fought the part of him that was convinced that he and the solider were one in the same. The voice was loud, strong. Bucky wished it would just shut up.  
  
You broke off another piece of the spiced pastry and offered it to him observing the way he refused to share it with you.

"Don't you think you should try?" His pupils centered on yours.

"There's no point." You held his gaze and refused to back down.

"There's no harm either. I-I'll help you."

"You can't help me, Y/n."

You weren't in the habit of forcing your ideas on others, but for some reason your head was screaming at you to help him. You spent sleepless nights wondering about the man and praying for his tortured mind. You thought of your life before this town, the emptiness, the loneliness. You remembered how no one helped you even after seeing what _he_ had done. The man you've tried hard to forget for the past 5 years, and you hadn't thought about him till now, seeing Bucky before you fighting with himself. You remembered the promise you made to yourself to lend a hand to anyone that needed it, and that's what you would do.

"Listen, I've lived in this town for two years. That's longer than I've stayed anywhere. I've been through sh*t, certainly not as much as you but sh*t nonetheless. It wasn't easy getting here and I sure as hell know it's not going to be easy going forward. But I'm here and I'm trying...and...and I can't stand by and watch my friend get swallowed by his demons. I know it's hard and you can say no but I know what it's like to wander the world with no real purpose or will to go on. I don't want to see it happen again. I won't see it happen again."

Bucky noticed the way your hand brushed your throat and how you cradled it for a moment. He wondered about the story that lay there, the invisible scar that haunted your (e/c) eyes. Words escaped his mind as he took in what you said. He honestly thought he would be your next charity case, that you wanted to brave the great project that was Bucky Barnes. Like he was an unfinished portrait or some cracked model of a man that craved the skilled touch of a woman with the hands to heal. But you fought him, you let him know that there was no weakness in wanting help. That you shouldn't hide from your demons, they were meant to be fought.   
  
He felt a pang of guilt for assuming you were one of those girls that got off on 'fixing broken men.' But that wasn't the case, he was your friend and you wanted to help him. Up till now he hadn't put a label on what you were to him, connections and relationship were a holdback for the life he lived. But it was becoming more clear to him that that was who you were, his friend. He thought of Steve and how much he tried to help him through his nightmares, his triggers, his silence. His blonde partner in crime was never anything but supportive and caring and he pushed him away for it. Not anymore. He wished he could apologize to Steve for being so stubborn, so difficult. But right now he didn't have that chance. He did however, have a chance to take a leap of faith, in you. And that's what he would do.

He gently plucked the sweet pastry from your fingers, "You're right. I need to try. Thank you."

He popped the baked good in his mouth and it melted on his tongue. He hummed as you folded your arms and looked on smugly. Bucky Barnes might have been one stubborn bastard, but you were pretty sure that no matter what happened and how much he tried to push you away, you were gonna put up just as much of a fight because he wasn't the only stubborn bastard in this town. 

* * *

"I'm not gonna see some quack, Y/n." Bucky barely broke a sweat as he helped you move the new coffee table into his living room. You drew his attention to it when you two passed by a garage sale held by Mrs.Barker, a sweet old woman who recently lost her husband. Her son Charlie, who lived in the city, came by to help her make a few extra dollars and decided to take her back with him when he realised how lonely she must have been. Bucky remembered how familiar you were with the precious woman, how gentle you spoke even when she asked you a question more than once. The butterflies multiplied in his stomach that day as he looked at your features enhanced by the sunlight, smile wide when he expressed his interest in buying the piece of furniture.

He wouldn't admit it, but the beautifully crafted rosewood table reminded him of the one from his family's apartment. He was taken back to simpler times when meals were shared (and sometimes thrown) on the polished woodwork, when his mother would smack his feet when he rested them atop the surface and reprimand him for soiling her furniture and when he would settle with a steaming cup of chocolate with Steve. He was brought back to the present when your slightly annoyed tone cut through the air. 

"He's not a quack. He was an expert in that field and it'll be a short chat."

"Well it's a risk of exposure. If I go to this guy and start talkin' about PTSD and-

"He's retired, Buck. It'll just be a little chat and he'll be more than happy to help. I used to hook him up with books for his research projects and...he helped me work through some things. He's a sweet guy and before he moved out of office we were pretty close."

Bucky's ears perked up. _What did you mean by that? Pretty close?_ His palms suddenly sweat like crazy and he rubbed the nape of his neck. "Close? Were you two..."  
  
You furrowed your brows at his fidgeting, until you realised what he was insinuating. "Huh? Oh..oh no we weren't together. He has a wife, kids, the works. Plus he's way too old for me."

Bucky's heart sank. Too old? That's exactly what he was. Sure he didn't look it but he was technically old enough to be your grandfather. It shouldn't bother him anyway, you two were friends.

"It looks nice doesn't it?" Your eyes shined with delight as you took in how much the table made the room more homely. 

Bucky looked at you and couldn't help the grin that broke out on his face. "Yeah, it does. You were right.

"So you'll go see Dr.Walker?"

He rolled his eyes, "I was talkin' about the table, not that...but I guess it couldn't hurt."

A squeal escaped your lips as you wrapped your arms around his neck for a quick hug. Bucky could feel his heart rattle in his body as it pounded mercilessly at your touch. 

You cleared your throat and your eyes widened, "Sorry, I don't know what that was. I've never made that sound before. Anyway, how about we try this thing out? A little food, something to drink?"

You didn't wait for his approval before you rushed to the cupboards, embarrassed by the animalistic noise you just made. Your eyes scanned the items in his kitchen and you thought of what you could make out of the few products he had.

Bucky's feet were planted to the floor. He noticed that over the past few weeks, your touch was becoming more and more frequent, but not before the shadow of doubt that fell on your face everytime. He thought those cautious moments were your way of deciding whether or not he was too unpredictable, dangerous...whether or not he would hurt you. He knew he would never willingly harm you, but he also knew that he couldn't keep that promise. It was the truth, even if it pained him. But what he didn't know that it was your subconscious reminding you of the last time you got close to someone and what happened as a result. 

"How do you feel about spaghetti and meatballs but instead of meatballs we use deli meat?"

You made a small reminder to yourself to give Bucky some of the tomato sauce mixes you had left.

Bucky finally jumped out of his stupor and moved to lean against the island.

"Sounds better than the stuff I've been cooking since I got here."

You laughed good naturedly. "It's a good thing I have weekends off. I'm taking you to the grocery store first thing tomorrow." 

"The convenience store is perfectly fine."

"Oh yeah I'm sure you have a variety of perfectly balanced options there."

"For your information it does. Vegetables, beans all that stuff."

"That only come in cans or frozen. I know you're like a hundred years old and back then it was all about convenience but you've got to get with the times dude." You were bent over searching the fridge for anything you could add to the dish but for the most part it was bare.

"I could understand that...but you know...back in my day a lady would show little more respect to her elders." Bucky folded his arms and smirked at your form. You turned slowly and placed the pack of lunch meat on the island behind him. You copied his stance and leaned against the fridge.

"Oh is that what you are now. My _elder?_ " Bucky scoffed.

"Exactly. And I think you need to watch that mouth of yours."

"Or what? You're gonna punish me?" It was an innocent question on your part, a retort to the playful banter, but the way Bucky's eyes darkened and his jaw clenched as you said it immediately made you regret your words. You sputtered in front of him, arms wavings furiously attempting to convey the mistake. 

"I-That-You...That sounded wrong I'm sorry." Bucky cleared his throat and shook his head a bit.

"S'alright, doll. Slip of the tongue, happens to the best of us."

He threw a half smile your way and turned to put a pot of water to boil, trying to hide his now hardened manhood from your sight. His mind was reeling with the movie Sam tricked him into watching. Five minutes into what the birdman described as 'one of the most defining moments in cinematic history' and Bucky knew Sam set him up. It was diabolical, it was grotesque, it was an adult movie. Bucky wouldn't lie, as a growing lad with raging hormones, he would sometimes sneak a peek at the supple forms of the women in the magazines on the rack at the corner shop, before getting smacked with a newspaper of course. But witnessing the drastic change of society's perception of sex rocked him to his core. While it did churn something vibrant within his stomach, he couldn't help but grimace at the lewd images splayed across the TV. It did nothing for him. Seeing strangers on a screen engaging in what he thought was something private, intimate, to be shared by lovers, simply sent him chasing Sam through the halls and promising revenge. 

But, when you repeated a line that just so happened to be in said film he couldn't help his imagination. He couldn't help but think of you in such a way. He cursed himself for it. You were sweet and kind and gentle and didn't belong in such thoughts, but that was exactly what drew him to holding you in his heart and thinking of what it would be like to love you in more ways than one.

What he didn't know was that you struggled with the very thought of him at night. From early on in your years of bloom, you've managed to realise that your thoughts ran wild with inappropriate acts with whoever had become the subject of your admiration. Up until now, you had only ever held one man in your heart. Till he left it split open and void of any feeling. But it slowly healed itself through the years. You picked up the pieces one by one and had finally come to be whole again, not counting on anyone ever crawling their way back into the secured space. Then Bucky came along, and he pushed his way through. You tried to ignore it, to fight it. But in the dead of the night you ached for something more. 

After cooking in silence, you settled down at the new table. He brought over two glasses of water and settled in the charcoal single seat sofa at your right.

After one bite he groaned, "Y/n...this is really good."

"Hey, you helped a lot."

"Yeah sure boiling noodles and cutting onions really pushed it along."

"Don't sell yourself short, Bucky. You know your way around the kitchen and to be honest I though you'd be a trainwreck."

His chest rumbled, mouth preoccupied with chewing the herb and vegetable medley. 

"My ma thought it best if all her children knew how to cook. Whether they were women or not."

"Sounds like she was a smart woman."

"She was amazing. Sometimes...sometimes I can still hear her singing, her laughter. But her voice is gettin' lost on me and I.. I'm scared I'll lose it." His fork twirled around a few lengths of spaghetti over and over as he mulled over the thought. His demons were getting louder and drowning out the sweet memories that lended him some semblance of peace in times of despair. 

You didn't know what to say. Fortunately, the gentle touch you extended lended him some comfort, he cradled his cheek against your hand where it lay on his shoulder and smiled gratefully. You were more than happy that he found some solace in your touch, and your heart leaped at him returning it.

***

"Thanks again for dinner, doll...and everything else." He smiled down at you as you leaned against your car in the chilly night air.

"Anytime, Bucky."

"Promise?" His eyes pleaded, blues darkening and boring into yours.

You laughed, "Sure, anything for a friend."

"Anything?" You missed the mischievous glint in his eyes, shaking your head at his question.

"Anything."

The atmosphere shifted suddenly. He slowly boxed you in, taking your hands into his. His breath hot on your lips.

"What about a goodnight kiss?"

His plump lips seemed to glisten in the moonlight, drawing you in. You licked yours, chapped from the air. A motion unmissed by him. The heat radiating off of him warmed you and you relaxed. His eyes searched yours for an answer. There was the longing, the hoping, the dreaming. He knew because it was exactly what he started to feel for you after getting to know who you were. A beacon of light for his wayward soul, and he would follow your lead into comfort and safety. He knew it was there but he wanted you to say it, to whisper it along the trails of wind that gently wrapped itself around your bodies. 

With a slight nod of your head, he captured your lips in his.

A wave of passion consumed him. His enhanced senses lead to an array of sensations. Your lips were soft as they pressed against his gently, hands warm where they lay between his neck and shoulders, voice like honey humming in delight, your scent powerful, intoxicating. His heart seemed to collapse in on itself, overwhelmed with adoration, desire. You drank him in as his hands held you secure. Touch light on your waist. Prosthetic fingers leaving a slight tingle as they dug into your skin. You could have never dreamed of this. It was absolute amongst the rest of the world. It was unexpected, but oh so welcome. 

Before your lungs burst from a lack of oxygen, he removed his now red lips from yours. Eyes searching. What he found would remain locked away in his heart. Sealed and safe from the uncertainty that lay in what would have been had he not taken that leap. 

"Goodnight, Y/n."

The whisper lingered in the air even after he closed you door and you buckled yourself in, eyes moving back to his figure in the rearview mirror as he slowly retreated into the building. It hit you like a wave in a storm. _Holy sh*t. I just kissed Bucky Barnes...and I wanna do it again_. Your lips tingled on the slow drive home.

Bucky on the other hand, fought himself. You were invading his every thought and his jeans tightened with the memory of your lips...your touch. He wanted to hold you, to love you, to make love to you. He sighed as he slumped on his couch. _Holy sh*t, Barnes. You kissed her, and you definitely wanna do it again._


	4. Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah a bunch of stuff is about to go down.

Bucky worried about your mental state as you pushed the spherical fruit into his face. "Nothing beats the smell of fresh fruit." He took a whiff and contorted his lips into somewhat of a smile to quell your excitement. "I know what an orange is, Y/n. You don't need to rub it in my face."

You gave him an unamused look, "Well excuse me, I thought oranges didn't exist in the 12th century." 

"I'll throw this banana at you if you don't stop with the old man jokes," he threatened with the end ot the fruit pointed at you in a violent fashion.

"Don't throw out your back doing it." You began to laugh. It was a childish giggle filled with glee, until Bucky turned his glare on you. You promised to keep the jokes to a minimum and he promised to put down the banana. A simple compromise. 

As the two of you turned the corner, you found yourselves among the variety of cereals. Between the chocolatey goodness and marshmallowey madness displayed on the boxes, Bucky was stumped. It was a tough decision. Which one should he get? They were all so attractive. But that wasn't what he needed to figure out. It was distracting, and after what happened the night before it's exactly what he needed, a distraction. Between being so boldfaced to request that you engage him in locking lips and actually locking lips with you, he couldn't convince himself to bring it up. He wanted to talk about it, to discuss what it was, what it meant for you two, but when you came to his door earlier in the morning it was like it never happened. 

_Earlier that morning..._

_"Hey, ready to go?"_

_You readjusted the strap of your purse as you stood at Bucky's doorstep. You wanted to ask him about that kiss. You thought you were making too much of it. That it was simply an impulsive moment, spurred on by the fact that you both had just spent more than an hour in a confined space brushing up against eachother in his kitchen. The heat had built up and he wanted to calm himself down. You would leave it up to him, if he wanted to talk about it, he would. You couldn't be selfish, not with him. Not at a time like this. He didn't need another area in his life to worry about, to carve out time for. It would be unfair to him if you voiced your desires, if you told him you wanted more. He needed to get there himself. To be the one to decide if he was ready for it. Then and only then would you offer up your feelings._

_If only you knew that Bucky felt the same about you. He thought it was your responsibility to decide what the kiss meant. He was in no position to make such a huge decision. He wanted you to be the one to tell him you wanted him in a closer capacity. He wasn't prepared to take that away from you. He made the decision to keep Steve out, to push him away and look where that got him. If he'd left room for Steve to say his piece, to let him know what he felt then maybe he'd be telling him about his best girl. About your bright smile and kind eyes. How he was scared to pursue something other than the comfortable relationship you had now._

_You were two idiots sitting in a car in silence, thinking about how much you wanted eachother, but how much you owed it to the other to NOT say something. The small talk had seeped it's way in. The sun peeking out between the mountains, the surprise at the new moving van at Mrs.Barker's old house, the Prius Prick making his daily run around the town. You both sat there in quiet agony, believing you were accommodating eachother. You were more than thankful when the grocery came into sight._

* * *

Despite the awkward tension between the two of you, you managed to have a pleasant time as you searched the store for whatever Bucky needed. You cued him in on the items you liked and which ones you think would go well with what he had at home. You explained the difference between the types of flour, what items were on sale, if a certain deal was as good as it said it was and when it was better to buy an item wholesale rather than one each time. You were happy to help him navigate his way through the store. You didn't think he was clueless, but you figured he never spent more than 5 minutes getting supplies so he could use the tips and tricks you learned over the years.

He thought your excitement at taking him shopping was nothing short of adorable, but he honestly hated the way you'd treat him like everything was new, like he was a child just discovering the world. That wasn't the case. He spent most of his life hiding but that didn't mean that he had no clue to what he was doing. He was still capable, still competent. He didn't need some guide telling him what was where and why this was that. It was trivial, but it annoyed Bucky to no end.

He knew it wasn't your fault, that you didn't think he was a lost puppy. While he did need help, he didn't need this kind of help. What happened to him definitely altered his mind, but it didn't change his ability to learn, to figure things out on his own.The rage of the slight problem was building in him and he was scared that at any moment it would explode and you would run so he hoped you would dial it back and let him maneuver the area himself. It was killing him how his mood changed so quickly. A minute ago his heart was aching at the thought of you, now he wanted you to shut up and let him shop in peace. 

Bucky started to ignore your little lectures as you moved to the toiletries section. You noticed the way he grunted in reply and refused to look at you. It was confusing. What were you doing wrong? He didn't want to say. He thought it was stupid. While he did like spending time with you, this wasn't as fun as thought it would be. But was grocery shopping supposed to be fun? Maybe he built up the idea of you too much in his head. Maybe you did the same. You still knew very little about eachother, but you felt like you knew Bucky Barnes and who he was. You'd read about him, watched documentaries. Upon meeting him your mind had already shaped your opinion of the man and Bucky failed to take this into account. How dangerous it was when your life was shortened to a few paragraphs and black and white clips. It made him seem like more of an idea, a character in a story rather than a man, separate from the literature that existed. All these truths and more swirled through the back of your head unknowingly. Oh how comical it was. The change in dynamic all because of a little trip to the grocery store. 

When you got to the line for the register, Bucky knew he couldn't take it anymore.

"They also have these discount books that I think are-"

"Stop."

"What?" You furrowed your brows and looked at him.

Meanwhile, Lisa, the only cashier that could hold a full conversation and cue up your bill in a matter of seconds, was casually chatting up the man in front of you.

"So you're movin' into Mrs.Barker's old place huh?" 

Their conversation fell on deaf ears as Bucky fumed at your incessant talking.

"I said to stop. Do I look like a child to you?" You searched your mind for a reply as the man engaged Lisa.

"Yeah I am. That place was a steal."

Between Bucky's quiet, but gutting complaint about how much he didn't need you treating him like he was an idiot and you feeling completely confused and regretful, the customer's voice stuck out like a sore thumb, it permeated through the air and chopped it's way through your ear drums. You stilled, much like time as you turned your head to the man at the register. 

"Well it's nice to meet you, Matt. Hope you settle in real nice here. This town has the best sights and I'm not just talking 'bout the waterfalls if you know what I mean 'cause I don't see a ring on that finger of yours...and your total is 79.45."

Bucky's voice faded into the background as he continued his rant. "I thought it would be fun coming here and spending that time with you but, you made it into some kind of...I don't know but you're treating me like I'm stupid and broken trust me I don't need your help do you think I'm beneath you or something?" 

Bucky turned to look at you when you didn't answer. The look on your face was terrifying. Your eyes were wide and glossy. He saw the one feeling on your face that he felt so many times himself, fear.

"I'm sorry, Y/n..I just...hey what's wrong?" It took him a few seconds to realise that it wasn't him or his anger you were afraid of, but the unknown fellow handing a couple bills to the cashier.

Your breathing quickened as "Matt" turned his eyes on you. 

"Oh I have a feeling I'm gonna like what I see, Lisa." There it was.

That **awful** smile.

Those **wicked** eyes.

He found you.


	5. Camouflage

The walk back to your car after Bucky had paid for his groceries, was completely warped into a blurred mess of images. You were struggling to take a breath, but you tried your best to keep your composure. The last thing you wanted was Bucky knowing about him. Despite this, he was nothing short of worried and straight up freaking out. You looked like you saw a ghost, the thing was you did. He was supposed to be dead, but you should have known better. Evil doesn't stay that way. And that was what he was. If the scars on your legs and grafted skin on your neck could talk, oh the terrible things they would say, the gruesome acts they would whisper of. You pushed the memories out of your mind and pulled into the lot of the building.

You opened the trunk and wordlessly helped him carry the bags upstairs. You set them down on the table and held your head in your sweaty hands. 

"Y/n. Please say something? Who _was_ that guy?" Bucky pleaded with you. He needed you to talk to him.

"What? I don't know what you're talking about. I just have a huge headache."

You took a shaky breath and tilted your head back, squeezing your eyes shut.

What if he followed you to Bucky 's apartment?

You couldn't get him involved. You thought of a way to get rid of him for the rest of the weekend, to make sure _he_ wouldn't find the two of you together around town. Dr.Walker popped into your head. He lived a good distance away from town, and you'd already told him there was someone you knew who might use a session. After what Bucky said in the grocery store, of course you knew he would be annoyed at you jumping the gun and telling Dr.Qalker about it already, but you didn't care. Ot put your mind at ease knowing he would be safe and away from you. You grabbed a piece of paper from his counter and a pen.

"What are you doing?" His voice was stern and it almost made you jump.

"I just remembered. I kind of set up an appointment with Dr. Walker for you today. This is his address. He's expecting you at 2." You blinked back the tears stinging your eyes as you shakily wrote down the address.

Bucky looked at the clock, 12:35 pm, "Wait, just wait a second. What the hell is going on?" 

"I can't um..go with you so you're going to have to go alone. He's really excited to meet you." You're acting had gotten sloppy. You tried your best to give him a smile as you gave him the piece of paper. Your mind on autopilot. 

"I'll send you a pic of the way to get there, he lives kind of far away but I'm sure you'll find him. You have to go now though, if you want to get there by 2." Your pursed your lips and looked at him.

Bucky squinted as he studied you. He decided to join in on whatever game you were more interested in playing than talking to him.

"I don't have a car so, how am I gonna get there?" There were no cabs at this hour. He knew you were bound to slip up at some point, and tell him what the hell was happening. 

"Oh there's a shuttle service that takes the old folks at the home on little adventures. Oops, there I go with the old man jokes again." You laughed nervously before continuing, "uh, his house is close to one of the stops, Terrace Gardens. He used to take his patients there when it got stuffy in the office, it's really calming and beautiful. I'm sure you'll love it. About the shuttle just tell the guide Y/n sent you. He'll take you along."

"Just how many friends do you have in this place?" If Bucky wasn't suspicious enough before, he definitely was now. You were obviously trying to get rid of him and he knew it had something to do with the guy at the grocery store, Matt. How did you know him? Why were you so afraid when you saw him? Bucky thought back to your eyes, he'd seen that look before. In the mirror. But that was the fear he felt when the memories of the innocent people the soldier killed rushed back. Could you have....? No...no of course not. But maybe you did...It wouldn't be the first time his judgment failed him. He kept an eye on every move you made as you started grabbing your things and moved to the door. 

You took one last look around, praying that Bucky would drop the questions. The look in his eyes were rubbing you the wrong way. You knew what it was. He was suspicious. You'd seen it one too many times. Your heart started thumping, wildly.

_What if he follows you home_? The thought screamed at you _. You'll just go home, go out the back through the fire escape, walk to the café on Branson, call a cab and use the other way to the store. You'll stay there tonight. You'll be okay._

Your thoughts returned to Bucky, who was still watching you with those doubtful blue eyes. 

_Telling him to go wouldn't be enough, Y/n_. _You know what you have to do._

"What?" You deadpanned, trying to goad him into what you hoped would erupt into an argument.

"Nothing. Just thinking about the meeting with Dr. Walker"

"Well, you kinda need it." Your words hit like a painful blow to his chest. Why were you doing this? What was so hard to say that you needed to lie and pretend?

"What do you mean 'I need it'?" You could see the anger bubbling in his chest. _That's it Y/n_.

"Let's face it you're kind of a mess, I mean look at today. You completely blow up at me for nothing."

You twisted your face into a look of annoyance as his nostrils flared. 

"Nothing? Don't act like I was the only one being crazy. What was your little episode at the counter about? Huh?" Maybe he would finally get the truth. 

"Are you kidding me? You'd just screamed at me what was I supposed to do, forgive you and forget all about it like a-"

"Y/n...stop it. You need to tell me the truth here _." You were getting at him. Just a little more_.

"Or what? The solider will get me?" It was becoming harder for him to separate what was real and what wasn't. The girl before him was someone completely different to the one he knew.

"I am telling you the truth. But I guess you wouldn't know what that is right? You've been living a lie since you got here." Your rolled your eyes.

Bucky raised his hands in the air and closed his fists, eyes closed tight.

"Y/n. You don't have to lie to me, just tell what's wrong and I'll try to help you-"

"Oh f*ck you, _Sebastian_. I'm not the one that needs help here." It took all the strength you had to say those words. You wrapped a hand around the doorknob shakily, knowing it was time to go, your heart breaking into a million pieces at the thought of Bucky believing anything you just said. But you knew he had to. He was better off for it.

He chuckled softly and his hands dropped to his sides. It killed him to think that all this time, you were lying, pretending to be someone you're not. A voice at the back of his head screamed that there was more to it. That this wasn't you. _Shut up. You don't know who she is, this **could** be her. The real her_.

He didn't say anything. Not a word. You yanked the door open and shut it behind you, tears spilling down your face as you walked to your car. _There's no time to cry, just go_.

You started the engine and drove to your apartment, Bucky watching you from the window.

Oh he was definitely going to see Dr.Walker And he was definitely going to get some f*cking answers. 

* * *

You tried to control your leg as it bounced up and down rapidly. You scanned the café once more, ruling out each person as your eyes passed over them. You ran a hand through the hair attached to the lace wig and adjusted the sunglasses and hoodie you wore, playing the part of hungover college student, blending in with the group that was already there, the cafe a usual spot for them as it was nearby to the school. 

You sipped the large coffee in your hands and kept an eye on the window, looking out for the cab that would arrive at any minute. Foot brushing lighty against the duffle bag under your chair.

"Hey, I know you." One of the boys amongst the group huddled together at one of the tables occupied by the many hungover students mentioned. 

"Not so loud dude. My head is still pounding." You held your temple, faking a headache as you took a sip of coffee."

"Yeahhh because you were that girl that got totally drunk and made out with Melanie Marks!" He laughed as he high fived his friends and you nodded.

"You got me." Your raised your hands in mock surrender.

"Crazy night huh? I woke up wearing a garbage bag." He whispered.

"Crazy is right, I _wish_ I had a garbage bag when I woke up, soon as I opened my drawer, threw up all over it. I'm gonna pay my mom a little visit though, fingers crossed she does all my laundry." You patted the duffle and kept your voice low, in keeping with his hushed tone.

"Lol Keith this chick threw up on her clothes," he nudged his buddy.

"Dude that's nothing, I threw up on someone's car." They snickered as they shared their puking stories over the cups of flavoured tea and coffee. 

Your phone buzzed, alerting you that the driver was outside. You got up but Keith stopped you, "Hey where you going? We were gonna stop by Brad's he's got pizza and beer left." He sang the last words in a somewhat enticing tune as you put the duffle bag on your shoulder.

"Yeah come on finals are over!" Loudmouth shouted.

"I think I'm gonna skip, I need like a week of sleep and this bag smells like rotting fish so I'll see you guys later."

"Kay. Later, Vomit girl." He laughed and you waved at the group before throwing the coffee out and heading outside. You confirmed the license plate on the car and got in after studying the driver who was none other than Prius Prick. 

"Where you headed?" The stocky blonde man asked roughly, placing the toothpick back in his mouth.

You decreased the pitch in your tone, trying to maintain the hungover student status.

"15 Elm. I have a raging headache."

"Honey I've had a headache for 20 years. Don't be expecting any pity from me." You rolled your eyes. You didn't know he had a part time job as a driver, considering he was a full time a*shole.

Double P shifted his eyes to your slumped form in the back and felt a pang of guilt.

"I'm sorry darlin', I just had a rough morning. My girlfriend left me a few days ago, took the car and drove off."

You were shocked. Prius Prick was actually opening up to you.

"Oh..I-I'm sorry."

"Oh don't be. I'm glad she left. She had a bad attitude. She'd curse at me, throw pots and glasses at me. Spent 2 years with that crazy b*tch. Tried to break up with her a million times but, she'd always hook me back. She always had a way with words. But I don't miss her. I'm just really torn up about my Prius. The one thing I've ever loved and of course she'd take it away. But you can bet your a*s I ain't letting her grubby fingers get away with it. I got a buddy in the cab company who lent me this car as long as I do a few jobs for him. Three more rides and I'm chasing her down. Nobody touches my precious Prius."

You jaw went slack. So Prius Prick wasn't a prick after all. His behaviour suddenly made sense to you. Being in a relationship like that was bound to change who you were, which you understood all too well. He did have what seemed like an unhealthy relationship with his car but other than that, he was an okay guy. 

You thanked him when he dropped you off on the curb in the small neighbourhood. You tipped him a bit generously, wishing him luck finding his car before he smiled back at you and drove off. You walked up the driveway to your left and knocked on the lily white door of the small blue house.

With your back to the road, you pulled off the wig discretely and placed it in the duffle bag. When the door opened, you hugged Mrs.Rivers, the sweet lady who'd bought the copy of Pride and Prejudice that was eventually stolen.

"Y/n, oh hello. It's nice to see you."

You stepped inside and pulled off the hoodie. 

"Hi, Diane. I just wanted to update you on your book. I talked to my friend and he said the trial is gonna take a little while longer, but you'll definitely get it back. I'll be more than happy to accompany you to the station when it's ready so there's no need to worry."

"How sweet of you, dear. To be honest, my grandson, you know Elliot the one who runs the old folks home that Bob and I still refuse to go to, well he introduced me to Netflix recently and it's certainly taken my mind off of that. I'm watching this one where there's a teacher who sells drugs because he has cancer and oh it reminds me so much of my uncle. You could call jail his second home."

"Oh is that right?" You smiled and nodded before she asked about your bag.

"Oh I was just at the gym, I'm heading to the store now. Mr.Richards wants me update inventory ASAP."

"Right he went on that business trip didn't he?"

"Yeah, he's always busy. 

"If you ask me, he's cheating on that lovely wife of his with some hot tail, I saw him once you know with this busty girl at the store. Poor Ruby. Marrying a man like that."

All you could do was smile and nod. 

"That is unfortunate...but might I say how observant you are, Diane. One would think you weren't a day over 30 with that quick mind of yours.

"Oh you're too sweet."

"Listen, Mr.Richards is a bit particular on schedules, do you think I could use the track through your yard to get to the store?"

"Oh of course dear go right ahead, that boss of yours is such a tight a*s. Bob's planting tomatoes back there though so be careful."

You thanked her before making your way to the backyard, greeting her sweet husband who explained that they were planting tomatoes to start making their own spaghetti sauce after enjoying the jars you gifted them so much. You engaged him in polite conversation, commenting on how beautiful the asters and begonias that bloomed in his garden looked, before exiting through the small gate.

There was a certain peace that took over you as you looked back at the garden at the end of the small footpath that led to a pond surrounded by trees, shrubs and a bundle of rabbits, foxes and deer. It was pure bliss, it was something you wanted. A moment of calm in the middle of the tornado you were currently in. You watched as Diane came out with two glasses of lemonade and pecked Bob on his cheek as she handed one of the glasses to him. Your heart ached for such a life, such a love.

But you were damaged, torn up and undeserving of the sight before your eyes. 

You shut you eyes and shook your head before turning away and following the small dirt track that led to the other side of town, his face taunting you with every step.


	6. Reveal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Violence, implied rape ahead.

There was a pungent scent of mothballs in the air. Bucky scrunched his nose as he listened to his seatmate Doris talk about her cat, Bette, named after her favourite actress. She was sweet, offering him two butterscotch toffees when she caught the wary look in his eyes. The ride to the gardens was along smooth and gentle weaving roads parting clusters of trees dotting the sides. Much like Doris' melodic voice, it soothed his mind and removed some of the frustration and confusion he was feeling. He didn't want to think about it, but it pushed its way back in every time. He knew you were hiding something, he just hoped it wasn't what the voice in the back of his head was saying.

"Alright folks, welcome to Terrace Gardens. Now I want you to remember your buddy and stay with them during free time, and Michael and Ruth, stay close. We don't need another incident in the bushes like last time." 

The guide, Elliot, stepped down from the bus and helped each one of the passengers off.

Dories turned to Bucky, "I hope you don't mind but, Leonard is my buddy. If you like I can spend half the time being yours so you can have one."

Bucky chuckled, "That's alright Doris, I think I'll be okay."

She stood up when Bucky moved aside, the pair the last two remaining, and started to make her way through to the front.

"Oh but are you sure? The gardens are always more fun when you have someone to share it with."

"I'll be his buddy. Don't you worry your pretty little head, Doris. He'll be alright." Elliot said.

"Oh that's right, Elliot here is such a good boy." She squeezed his left cheek before walking through the glass doors with a beautiful, intricate design of flowers and trees imprinted along the surface. 

He gave Bucky a smile and a pat on the back when he descended the steps.

"How's it goin' ?"

"I'm alright."

"Dr.Walker is already in there. I'll take you to him if you're ready?"

Bucky smiled and nodded as Elliot ushered him inside. 

-

Dr.Walker had a full head of salt and pepper strands, framing his face neatly and a smile that radiated joy. He was unlike the man Bucky imagined him to be, expecting a cranky grey haired man with a permanent frown and a cane. At least, that's what they all looked like before. But Dr.Walker, William as he insisted Bucky call him, was tall, slender and agile. Springing up from his bent position where he was planting a few seeds in the tilled land in the extended part of the gardens. He slid off his gloves and offered Bucky a hand.

"Y/n's told me all about you."

Bucky's grip tightened, "She um..she talked about me?"

"She thinks the world of you. She mentioned your PTSD but nothing in detail. I gotta say. I was really looking forward to this. My buddy he uh, he passed last year. Was in a similar situation and he...I just wish I was there for him more, you know? It's so easy to isolate yourself and forget. So I'm glad you came."

Bucky nodded and rocked on his heels. 

"Well I hope you're not gonna stand there all day." William put back on his gloves and picked up the trowel, disturbing the soil to create a pocket for the seeds in the packet by his side.

"Grab some gloves and a trowel. These seeds aren't going to plant themself.

Bucky was a bit taken aback by his suggestion, but he grabbed the tools and started digging. 

No words were spoken as they planted seed after seed under the hot sun in the fertile soil. Bucky focused on every small action as he dug through the earth. He took some time to study the earthworms, writhing in the ground interrupted by his actions. He felt the sensation of them crawling along his metal finger, Dr.Walker observing him every once in a while. His problems seemed to vanish. The sun streaming down now welcome as his skin tingled under its warmth. He tilted his head back for a second and just enjoyed the feeling. The cool breeze flicking strands of hair away from his face. The warm, soft soil under his palm. The calmness of nature. He couldn't help but think of you, how much you would love being there. And how much he would love being with you. That reminded him of what he came here to do, he needed to find out whatever he could about your sessions with Dr.Walker.

Thankfully, with the bag of seeds and the nutrient mix all used up, Dr.Walker suggested that they go for a walk by the lake, leading Bucky to a path through the lush green grass. He sat on a rock on the bank and he sat beside him. William picked up a rock and threw it across the water. It skipped along the surface before sinking below. 

"What is it about nature that completely soothes your soul. I hear the birds, and the rustling of the leaves and I think, wow. I'm fortunate to be here, to experience this. But it's always there, just waiting for us to sit and listen. That's why I come out here. Volunteer at the gardens. Just sit, you know?"

Bucky heard Tony about being ' _high_ ' before..he wondered if this was it.

"Yeah, I guess."

"You guess? So you didn't enjoy planting those seeds?"

"I did but, I've never really think about things that way. It's just something to do."

"Something to do huh? Let me ask you this, what did you have for breakfast?"

"I didn't eat breakfast today."

"Fine. Yesterday."

"Idk. Eggs."

"Did they taste good?"

"Yeah...they did...Y/n actually mixed them with this sauce she has, it was surprisingly good."

"So you enjoyed eating it?"

"Yeah. I did."

"Because it made you feel happy, it made you feel good."

"Yeah...?"

_Definitely_ high. 

"You're not used to feeling like that aren't you?"

"No. I guess not. It's been a while."

"Why is that?"

"I don't know."

"How long have you felt like this?"

"Ever since...well ever since everything that happened. I guess I just feel...different from before."

"And who were you before?"

"Still a nobody. But in an average-everyday guy kind of way. I would joke around, laugh, go out. Now I...I can't do those things.." 

"You can't or you don't want to?"

"I don't deserve it. I'm a monster."

"A monster. Why would you call yourself that?

"Because it's what I am. I've done things...bad things...It's what everyone sees."

"Everyone?"

"Well...not everyone."

"Not Y/n."

"Not her. But I managed to screw that up to."

"Do you usually screw your relationships up?"

"I don't have any, Doc. I think it's safe to say yes." Bucky chuckled a bit, running his hand through his hair. 

"Is it safe to say you screw them up because you feel like you don't deserve them?"

"Well I don't. So what does it matter if I do?" He already went through this, this wasn't what he came here for.

"Y/n made you breakfast and it was good. Why do you think she did that?"

"Idk...she felt sorry for me or something."

"You don't think she sees you as being capable of doing it on your own?"

"She thinks I'm damaged."

"Are you?"

Bucky swallowed.

"Yeah..."

"If you believe you're damaged, then why is it upsetting for her to think so too?"

"Because that's not who I want her to see."

"What do you want her to see."

"I want her to see...I don't know I just...I want her to see Bucky."

"Bucky?"

"I...I mean Sebastian. The man I'm trying to be, the man I'm trying to go back to."

"But that man is gone. And no matter what you do, you can't bring him back."

"But I have to try, right?"

"We grow and we change. When things happen to us, it's how we deal with them that determines who we are. If you're trying to become the man you were years ago, how is that moving forward?"

"I guess I just thought, he was better. She wouldn't see him as broken."

"Do you feel like she accepts you?"

"Yeah...she does."

"Y/n sees you, as damaged as you say you are, and she accepts you. Doesn't that change anything?"

Y/n wasn't the only person that accepted him unconditionally. Steve did. 

"I..."

"You said that everyone sees a monster, Sebastian. Here is someone that doesn't see that. She sees you. And she accepts you. So why does it hurt so much that she's trying to help?"

"I don't deserve her..."

"But she made her choice, no matter what you think. She wants to be there for you. The only thing to ask yourself is whether you'll let her."

He was right. All this time he was angry at her for thinking he was weak, when she was just trying to help in the best way she knew how. He needed to say sorry, to hug her, to feel her. But he also needed to find out what happened to her.

"I never thought about it like that."

"Sometimes we need to ask ourselves the hard questions and get to the place we often fear. There's no other way to face our demons than to recognize them, come to terms with them, then try to fight them. Y/n is a good person. She doesn't mean any harm."

"About that...She said she talked to you before and you helped her work through things."

"I'm afraid I can't discuss that buddy."

"Please...I think she's in trouble. This guy showed up when we were at the store and she swears she doesn't know him but she-"

"What did he look like." The doctor's face turned white, and his pupils dilated, causing panic to rise.

"He was about my height, slim, brown hair, brown eyes tan."

"Jason..."

"Jason? He said his name was Matt."

"I guess doctor/patient confidentiality is out the window on this one. Y/n's in danger. We have to go now."

"Wait, what danger?"

Dr.Walker got up quickly and walked the path back to the front of the gardens, saying goodbye to the group and staff and explaining that he was going to drive Bucky back since they were finished with their session. Bucky hurriedly followed him to his car and when he shut the door, Dr.Walker turned to him.

"You aren't the only one with a dark past buddy."

He backed out of the parking lot and onto the road.

Bucky tapped his leg nervously, waiting for an explanation.

"You know Y/n moved out here a couple years ago right?"

"Yeah."

"Well you don't know why."

**_Two years earlier_ **

"Karen, I can't..I'm sorry."

You played with the hem of your dress as you sat in front of the mirror, staring at your black eye for the tenth time, trying to wish it away.

"Y/n just come here, please? Jason isn't home for another two days. You need to get out of that house."

"He...he wouldn't like that."

"He forced you to quit your job, he tells you what to wear and when you can go out...this has to stop. I know he hurts you."

"What? No way he-"

"Stop the bullsh*t. You don't think I see how you shiver everytime he touches you? Or your attempts at covering the bruises on your legs? Your arms?"

"I can't come out tonight."

"You need to talk about it. You should come live with Ben and I. We'll get a restraining order in place, we'll move or something just...please."

"I..." You remembered when you made a report at the station. They took your statement. They took pictures. Then Jason marched in with his wallet and his friends in high places and made it all go away. You got an extra special gift that night. A broken leg. You remembered how you lied to the doctor with Jason's watchful eyes.on you. _"I fell down the stairs,_ " you had said.

You winced as your thigh rubbed against the stool, the bruise from last night still raw.

You stared at yourself in the mirror. You couldn't keep doing this to yourself. Maybe you did deserve better...maybe you could live without him. Maybe he wasn't right.

"I'll be over in-"

"Who are you talking to?"

You closed your eyes, hoping he wasn't real.

"Y/n? Is that him is he-" you hung up the phone and turned.

"Jason...I thought-"

"You thought I wasn't coming home today. Yeah I lied to surprise you. Now answer me."

"It was..it was..." you knew better than to lie to him. Even if it was going to happen no matter what you did, it's better if you told him the truth. 

"Karen."

"Plotting your escape are you?" You bit the inside of your lip...then he chuckled.

"I'm just kidding. You'd never leave me right, baby?"

"No I.. I wouldn't."

He stalked over to you and ran his finger along your cheek.

"You know...for someone so beautiful...I never would have pegged you for a lying b*tch!"

He grabbed a fistful of your hair and slammed your face onto the mirror. You didn't cry...you didn't scream. It was a typical Wednesday.

"See what you make me do? I never want to hurt you but you...you drive me to it. Say you're sorry."

"I'm sorry."

"Good girl. But you know I'm going to have to punish you." You nodded. He let go of your hair and knowing what was coming, you walked over to the bed and lay down on your stomach.

He unbuckled his pants and started crawling up to you.

"You know no one's ever going to love you like I do. I'm the only one that cares about you. The only one that appreciates you."

You turned your head to look at the picture on the drawer at the bedside. It was your first date. You'd squeezed the bottle of ketchup so hard it spilled all over your shirt. He said that was the moment he fell in love with you. He pulled out his phone and told you to smile, kissing your cheek when you did. You were a fool.

As he started biting at your neck, squeezing your waist careless of the bruises he left there the night before, you kept looking at that picture. Love? This isn't what it was supposed to be like. You thought about Ben and Karen. How his eyes would instantly find her in a room, but his stare was loving. The first time you saw that, you wanted it. But whenever Jason sought you out, he would look at you with such anger such rage if you didn't stay close to him. That wasn't love.

His hands ripped open the dress he made you wear at home, exposing your bruised and scarred skin. He didn't care.

Your finger ran along the frame.

Jason yanked your underwear off.

You kept looking at the picture.

"You're never going to leave me. I love you," he whispered.

No..he didn't.

You grabbed the picture and as best as you could, you slammed it into his head.

"What the f*ck, Y/n?"

He fell off the bed and held his face, nose bleeding profusely.

You got up and grabbed one the of high heels he insisted you wore to his work party. 

You walked over to him and with all effort, you stabbed him in his thigh.

You grabbed a few essentials, your wallet, some cash and the duffel you hid in the closet.

You rushed out of the room and shut the door, Jason roaring behind you.

You hurried down the stairs as you heard his slow, but approaching footsteps. You opened the bag and searched for the gun you bought. You rushed to the door but before you could yank it open he pulled you back and you fell on your back. 

"You dumb b*tch! I feed you, I clothe you, I love you and you do this to me!"

He put his hand around your neck and squeezed tightly. Your eyes bulged, you tried to throw him off. Your legs kicked, your arms flailed. 

He smiled.

You hated that smile. You hated him.

You tried to reach for the gun your hand slipping. 

But when you finally got a grip on it, you pulled it to his chest and fired, the silencer muting any noise that would have been heard. He dropped limp on top of you. Blood soaking your ripped white dress. 

You backed away from him. Hands shaking, the gun fell. Blood pooled around his lifeless body. You ran to the bathroom, vomit spilling from your lips. You took the longest shower of your life and cleaned yourself up. You put the gun back in the bag and grabbed the keys from his pocket, shivering as you did.

You got in the car and didn't stop driving till you got to a bus station in the next town. You didn't know were you were going, but it was as far away from there as possible. 

You didn't hear the weak call from the house when you left calling your name.

"Y/n....."

-

Bucky didn't say a word. All this time, you were scarred, broken...just like he was. You were so supportive, so eager to help him and it all made sense why. Dr.Walker pulled into the lot next to the bookstore, knowing that it was your safe place. 

"She never wanted you to know. She didn't need you to have something else to worry about."

"I wish she told me though..." she cared for him. She cared for him deeply. She hid herself and while he was a bit upset, he loved her more for it.

He loved her. Bucky loved Y/n.

"Let's go."

They walked up to the door expecting it to be locked, but it was ajar.

Dr.Walker's eyes chased around the room frantically, noticing the books laying on the ground. Your bag open and the contents spilled all over the floor and he choked back a sob as he ran to his car, pulled out his phone and dialled the police. 

Bucky searched every inch of the place. You weren't there. He was angry...and what really made him go over the edge, was the blood trail leading to the broken mirror.


	7. Blood

"You're still so beautiful." Your vision was clouded. You couldn't feel your hands or your legs. The ground was hard and cold. You mouth felt like it was detached from your face and your chest was covered in dried blood. Your clothes were replaced with a dress, one you knew all too well. An exact replica pristine and ivory unlike the tainted memory it held. And the man that put it on you was staring at you from across the small room, grinning as he sat smugly on the metal chair facing you.

"You're finally awake." He smiled and walked over to you, laying his palm against your cheek. You knew better than to pull away.

"I've missed you, baby." You didn't want to hear it. You couldn't believe you were in this position again. You thought you were being careful, taking precautions. But he was right, he would always find you. Even when you thought he was dead you were terrified. You let your guard down and he got you. 

"Where am I?" 

"Well hello to you too. You're at our new place. Kind of expensive but only the best for you, this is just the bomb shelter but the rest of the house is pretty amazing."

"I bet..."

"You know...it's a good thing you're pretty, because you're dumber than I thought. Did you really think all that sneaking around would work? It's a small town, babe. That chatterbox at the store told me where you worked. Everyone loves you in this town...but they don't mean it. Remember I'm the only one that could ever love you."

He kissed you roughly. Your lips stung, busted up and bleeding after he slammed your face into the mirror, just like last time.

You wanted to get away from him, you needed to get away from him, but you wanted Bucky safe. You didn't want him to have another problem on his hands. You had to find a way out of this mess again, and you would. But right now, your face was scraped and scratched up, with deep gashes along your cheek and chin. And your wrists were now cut from where they hung in the restraints chained to the wall. You looked down, your legs suddenly aching, like needles were stuck in every pore and you screamed in horror on the inside, knowing that if you made a sound he would hit you again. 

"I couldn't believe you left me. You really hurt me Y/n..and I'm not just talking about how you hit me in the head and stabbed me in the leg...you ripped my heart out....but you're here now and we can start all over again. I already gave you half your punishment fot what you did so we're gonna be ok."

Your ankles protruded more than usual and the surrounding skin was tinged bluish-black.

He'd broken them. 

"I'll let you out of here next week. Then you can stay upstairs with me." 

You kept staring at your ruined feet. You couldn't move them. You couldn't wiggle your toes or rotate your ankles or move into a more comfortable position. There was only pain. And that's all that you had left...all that was in front of you. Before you knew it you were crying. Chest heaving, snot dripping. 

"Aww...don't cry sweetie. I forgive you...and isn't this what we wanted? What we talked about? A house in the mountains. I can see it now...no interruptions...just trees and birds..complete isolation like we always wanted."

The droplets mixed with the fresh blood on your chin and fell on the dress material, soiling the white hue. The prospect of a life, fearing the man sleeping beside you was worse now than before because now, you knew what was going to happen. You would be beaten, insulted, ridiculed and spat on. You didn't even want to think about the other thing...Now, you had no choice. You were with him whether or not he had to drag you by the ends of your hair to bend you to his will. But you know in your heart that you would never stop fighting. Even if he broke every bone in your body. Even if you left you without food for days. Even if he decided to kill you...you would never stop trying to get away from him.

You had the past two years locked up in your head like treasure. It was average. Average pay, average apartment, average town. Some people run away from normal. Some people swear it's boring. But you savored it. Waking up at the same hour everyday, having toast or eggs, going to work, coming back home, watching TV or curled up with a good book before passing out on the couch. No one to fear, no corner to hide in, no wounds to bandage. It was good. It was yours.

Then along came Bucky. And he was anything but average. He reminded you of that girl you were before. Locked up in herself and scared. He was his own worst enemy and you wanted to help him. He was everything Jason wasn't. And even though you swore off feeling anything for another person ever again, you felt something for him. You loved him. It consumed you. Now Jason was going to consume you. He was going to swallow you whole and ruin you, as if he hadn't ruined you already. You regretted not being able to help Bucky more. To show him that he deserved to be loved, he deserved to live. Now you were going and you weren't going to come back, whether you escaped Jason or not. Bucky was better off without you. And if the truth about what you did came out, he wouldn't want anything to do with you again anyway. 

You hadn't even realised that Jason was watching you. You were so used to it, every reaction was like second nature around him. 

"I'm sure you're curious as to how I found you." You didn't care how he did it, he found you and that was the end of that. He just wanted to brag, talk himself up. 

"It was simple really. Remember that drunk that..." his neck craned and he shuddered.

"touched you. Well, the case made it all the way to my friend's precinct. Yeah the lowlife broke into some department store and they had to give evidence for them to rack up the charges in the other city. Who would have thought something as small as that is what brought you back to me. He saw your name in the files and he called me up. He finally delivered after two years. I mean I asked him to find you the minute I got to the hospital and...I almost gave up hope. But here we are."

A light went off in your head. 

"The police are looking for me. I thought I killed you Jason and I ran. I wrote a letter and everything. When I saw you I felt bad and I sent it to the station. When they see the hospital files and the registration for the gun they're going to want to arrest me."

It was a bold lie, but if you could get him off his edge even a little, maybe you could make him paranoid and he would slip up, maybe even try to move you. Two missing residents in the small town would be bound to raise eyebrows and they'll be able to figure everything out soon enough. 

But the smile on his face and the look in his eyes extinguished any hope in your plans.

He started to chuckle.

"Babe, I knew about your gun. C'mon, you really thought I wouldn't get someone to follow you everywhere? I decided to let you keep it since you were alone at home most of the time. I didn't plan on you using it on me but...hey things happen. And I pawned my injuries off on some idiot from work. He always stole my lunch...that son of a b*tch...anyway my buddy helped me stage everything so you're off the hook. No one's going to be looking for you sweetheart I already told you. No interruptions. No one to bother us."

You closed your eyes and took a breath. A feeling of hopelessness started to come on but you tried to fight it.

"Although...I do have a question for you sweetie...who was that man at the store?"

Your eyes shot open. Sh*t.

"And don't pretend you don't know because you know I HATE THAT!" he slammed his hand on the chair he was sat on previously. You jumped. Just as unstable as before...

"He was treating you like garbage. Why were you with him? Was he your boyfriend or something?"

You shook your head, "No, no he wasn't."

"Because I would hate to show him what happens when you touch my girl."

You wanted to scoff, Bucky would knock Jason on his a*s in a heartbeat, but pandering to his ego was what you needed to do.

"He was just a friend and he was mad that I wanted to pay his bill. He's not in a good place financially, unlike you. You were always so good with money, I never had to spend a dollar on anything with you and it was nice to try to help someone else for a change."

He smirked, "That's right sweetie. I take good care of you. Well now I feel bad for driving by his place. He wasn't home but I guess it's a good thing. I didn't want to have to bash his head in. Man, I'm starving. I'm gonna get a burger or something."

As if on cue your stomach rumbled, empty and begging for some source of nutrients.

"You don't deserve to eat sweetie. But when your punishment is over in three days, I'll get you the biggest burger in town, I promise."

Your stomach may be growling, but you weren't hungry. You didn't want anything from him. 

"Well I'm off. See you in a couple of hours."

He picked up his jacket and lingered. You knew what he wanted. You just wanted him to leave so you complied.

"Bye...I love you." 

He smiled, "Aww...I love you too."

Once the door shut you studied the restraints. Same basic leather and buckle he used last time. You were never able to get them off, but you got close once. You knew the closest mountain range was east of the town. At least you had some idea of where you were. If you got out you could find your way back. But even if you found some miraculous way to escape, you had no way of opening the door and worst of all no way of walking. There were no windows, no other rooms nothing. You hated it. You hated how helpless you were. Maybe there was no escape. Maybe you would stay locked up until he took every last piece of you and left whatever remained to rot. 

You needed to think...The metal chair. The legs were all padded with a rubber end, if you could get it off and expose the sharp metal underneath... that would help. But you had to get out of the restraints first. So you got to work.

-

"His real name is Jason Taylor."

Bucky wanted punch the square jawed officer, Dean, in his mouth, he wasn't moving quick enough.

"I have notes of our sessions in my office, she was locked up, tortured and raped by this man we need to find her!"

Seeing William angry surprised Bucky. But he was thankful someone else was just as worried about Y/n as he was. 

"I'm going to call this in and notify a team to go to his house and we'll release his pictures to the public see if anyone has seen him..we'll find her I promise." Sam, the other Winchester, reassured him.

"We should go right now-"

"Sir if you could calm down that would be great because that kind of behavior isn't going to help us find her." Dean said firmly.

Bucky closed his eyes and returned to the security footage on the computer in the store. Seeing the way that a*shole barged in, knocked her out and dragged her by her hair made him furious. When he got his hands on him....no...no more killing. But he was going to make sure he would rot in a cell for the rest of his life, begging like he made you beg. If he had his way, he would do every unspeakable and despicable thing to him for what he did to you. When he heard how he would starve you, choke you, burn you and...rape you...all he saw was red. He could feel the soldier buzzing beneath his skin wanting to break out. He didn't trust what he would do when he finally got you back, and he would get you back. He was going with the officers to the house whether they liked it or not. 

Dr.Walker was in his car. Head in hands and sobbing over the thought of what you were going through while trying to explain to his wife over the phone that he wouldn't be home for dinner. When he hung up, Bucky laid a comforting hand on his shoulder through the window and gave a warm smile. 

"We'll get her back...I promise. Why don't you go home, get some sleep." The doctor had serious bags under his eyes and he looked like he was a ghost. He needed to rest, he needed the warm touch of his wife.

"No I can't just leave I have to-"

"You've done so much already. I promise we'll get her back. You won't be any help if you can't stay awake now can you?" 

He nodded

"You shouldn't drive home by yourself."

"You're right I'm not in the frame of mind for that..I'll see if one of the officers can escort me." 

Bucky nodded. Dr.Walker exited his car and offered Bucky the keys.

"Take my car, you're gonna need it."

"No I can just-"

"Please. Just take it. At least I'll be able to help in some way."

Bucky took the keys and watched as he exited the store.

When Square Jaw Dean came back Bucky grabbed his things. 

"I'm coming with you to that house."

"Yeah I'm not gonna fight you on that one. Let's get our girl back."

Bucky raised his brows.

"I mean _your_ girl back." 

-

The buckle was almost loose. Breaking your finger sent you spiraling down a path of pain but it was worth it. You figured you had about thirty minutes left before he came back so you had to hurry. Just a little tug and- your right hand was free. You stretched as best as you could and the tips of your fingers met one of the feet of the chairs. If only you could move your legs the other way...you lifted each of them with your hand and through the screaming you managed to do it. You were able to stretch a little further and grab the chair. You dragged it closer and frantically dragged the rubber against the concrete floor. It would erode soon enough and then you would be free.

-

"Well, he's not here."

Bucky searched every part of the place and they were right.

"Well we need to find him."

"He can't be far."

"No he can't. It's a small town. Don't worry we'll get him." Sam reassured him.

Where the hell was he? Where the hell was he keeping you? You were probably scared...and cold...and hungry. Bucky cursed himself for ever thinking you were a bad person, that you ever committed some horrible act. You were a victim, just like he was. You were both brainwashed and tortured. No longer the people you used to be. That was why you wanted to help him, to make sure he got out on the other end okay. He was so stupid and now you're gone. But you wouldn't be gone forever. He only hoped that you weren't dead...

"Hey, we got a witness saying they saw our suspect's car at the café near Richard's St."

"Alright everyone let's go!"

A light turned on...there was still hope. He got in the car and his heart thumped as he sped through the streets, coming up on the café, beating the other officers there. He scanned the sidewalk, no sign of him but just as he turned his head he caught the licence plate of the man holding you captive disappearing down the road. He put the gear in reverse and high tailed it after him.

Bucky turned off the lights and tried to keep a safe distance away from Jason as he curved along winding roads and past farm fields. Soon enough, he was driving up to the mountains. Then a phone was ringing. It was Dr.Walker's, he must have left it in there. Bucky picked it up just in case it was him calling to find out where it was, but when he answered he was greeted by none other than Officer Dean.

"What the hell are you doing?" His gruff voice made Bucky pull the phone away from his ear.

"I'm chasing after him. So I'm basically doing your job for you."

"Don't give me that. There's protocol we have to follow and-"

"F*ck your protocol, ok? Y/n is in danger and I'm not going to sit around waiting for you guys to find her.

There was a long sigh. 

"Fine. But we're tracking the phone to get the route to the location. We lost you at the intersection."

"I sped up on purpose, sirens are gonna scare him. I can't have that." 

"Because you're such an expert on-...son of a...Sam this man just hung up on me."

"Thought you'd be used to it by now. Got the trace boys?" Sam asked the techs with the tracking equipment. Once they gave the thumbs up, they were ready to go. 

Bucky thought he was driving forever. Every minute felt like an hour. An hour away from you. Finally, Jason pulled into a straight road up a hill and parked in front of a two-storey log cabin. Bucky parked about 20 feet away so he wouldn't see or hear him and walked through the trees, boots crunching softly on the forest floor. Jason was whistling the sick bastard. He unlocked the door and went in. Bucky needed a visual. He heel toed to the back of the cabin. He peered through the window and watched as Jason put a couple bags in the fridge and ascended a flight of wooden stairs that creaked loudly with each step. 

Bucky didn't waste any time. He ran his finger along the window frame and felt for any open grooves, when his finger dipped he pulled a bit and the frame popped opened. He eased it back and placed one foot inside. Once he was fully in the room, he pulled the window back in and looked around. This had to be the place. Remote, quiet. You were either in the basement or the attic. Jason was erratic and rash, but he loved you in a twisted way. He would keep you close to him. Now it was only a matter of finding out exactly where that was. 

Bucky did a basic walkthrough of the area. Kitchen with adjoining dining room. Living room and a study. Bathroom and laundry room was clear except for a few bloodied clothing. He had to stop himself from marching up those stairs and beating the answer out of him when he saw your shirt drenched in blood. He began to think that he held you upstairs since he was taking such a long time up there, but there was a door in the study that Bucky only saw when he passed by for the second time. He rushed over to it and of course it was locked. Before he could try to open it, he heard the stairs creak. He was coming back. He hid behind the armchair by the window and listened to the footsteps. He heard them plod over to another room and the TV clicked on. Really? TV? When you have an innocent girl locked up?

Maybe Bucky would confront him after all. He stalked over to the living room and sneaked behind the couch. Jason was just sitting there. Eyes glued to some action movie. Bucky put his hands out, ready to put him in a hold. 

1...2...

Just as Bucky reached his arm out to wrap it around his neck he ducked and sprang up, seeing the reflection in the tv.

"That b*tch told me you were just some friend. It's my fault for believing her anyway, I always had a thing for that pretty mouth of hers."

"Shut up!" Bucky lunged again, this time successfully getting him into a neck hold. He tightened a little when he tried to get away,

"Where's the key?"

"You're..squeezing a little too tight."

"Tell me where it is!"

"If you..k-kill me you'll never..find it." Bucky's chest rose and fell rapidly. Deep breath and flared nostrils. He reminded himself what he needed to do and he loosened his hold.

"Now, tell me where the key is."

"It's a key pad, I'll have to open it..."

"Fine..." Bucky dragged him to the door and he pulled out a compartment in the wall, hidden by a shelf. He typed a few numbers in and the door clicked open. All logic flew out the window and Bucky rushed through. 

"Y/n? Y/n?" You weren't there...all that he saw were shelves and containers of food, water and...what looked like weapons. He turned around, eyes wide open. But before his voice could reach Jason's ears, the door was locked. Bucky banged on it screaming your name, hoping that the police would get here before Jason took off with you.

And that was exactly what he was planning to do. He grabbed his wallet and keys and ran outside. But he was startled by the blue and red lights and he tripped and fell flat on his face. When his vision cleared, Dean was already putting him in handcuffs and reading him his rights. Sam rushed inside, gun loaded and surveyed the house. After grilling Jason for the combination, he opened the door and Bucky toppled over his feet, already leaning against it hoping to break out himself. 

"She's not there, we have to find her we have to-"

"We found her..." One of the other officers pointed to a hatch in the ground, now open, but once hidden by leaves and fallen branches.

Bucky wanted to smile, to run in there and give you the biggest hug...but the look on Dean's face stirred something inside him that could only be recognized by its nasty and unforgettable memory, fear. 

He pushed through the crowd of officers and stepped down the stairs into the hatch. He went through the second door into a small and seemingly shrinking room. There was blood. He saw your feet, busted up and broken...you weren't moving...there was a chair near your hands on it's side, rubber eroded and the metal exposed on the bottom of the leg. Blood dripped from the edge. He looked over at you...your wrists were covered in blood, the source of it being two deep incisions in your skin. He didn't even feel himself drop to the floor next to you, or pull you into his arms, or cry as you lay limp against him. You must have felt like you had no other choice. Like no one was coming to your rescue and you would rather die than spend another minute with that monster... 

He was too late. 


	8. Everything

_Beep....beep_....

The steady sound of the heart monitor stirred you awake. When you opened your eyes, the bright light streaming from above induced rapid blinking before your vision cleared. You were in a hospital room. As your memory came back to you slowly, you panicked. You didn't cut deep enough. He found you before you lost too much blood and he brought you here. You shot up checked your wrists for restraints...there was nothing but a thick layer of bandages around your wrist. You frantically searched the rest of your body till a hand stopped you.

"Hey...hey take it easy." That voice...it was familiar but you didnt know who it belonged to.

"Who are you?" The tall blond stood by your bedside and scratched his head.

"I'm Steve. I'm not here to hurt you. I'm just here to waych you and make sure you're okay and...okay I realise none of this is helping I'm a complete stranger and-"

"I know who you are...you're Bucky's friend. That Captain dude." 

Steve smiled and placed his hands in his pockets laughing, "Yep. That Captain dude. He just stepped out for a bit."

"Is he okay?" Your eyes pleaded for an answer.

Steve chuckled, "Yeah, more than okay. Today was the first day I was able to convince him to go get some proper sleep for once. He spent the past week in here."

A week? You had a ton of questions, questions you weren't sure Steve could answer. He noticed the confusion on your face and sat back down.

"He's gone. For good. Maximum security prison in a tiny cell behind 3 foot steel walls. He isn't getting out of there. We got his partners too. Nothing upsets me more than people that use their power for evil."

"Well, what about what I did to him I-"

"All taken care of. We got in touch with an old friend of yours, Karen. She explained everything and we got a hold of all the evidence once we busted Jason's friends. You're fine."

He picked up his cup and stood up again, "I'm gonna get some coffee. Everything is gonna be okay."

You swallowed and he left the room.

"Not everything." You wondered what Bucky felt when he saw you like that. Surrounded by blood, wrists cut. It was the only way out...you hoped he understood that. It was selfish but you wanted him to see it from your side. But you were sure he wasn't going to want to have anything to do with you now. Sure he stayed with you while you were comatose, but that's who he was. He was a gentleman. But if he was smart he would run as far away from you as possible. You were damaged goods. You knew that by now he knew every detail about what happened to you..and a part of you hoped he wouldn't come back to the hospital. 

Your perfect little average life had turned around completely all at once. Bucky's arrival had ushered in the undead danger you had run from all those years, but he also saved you. More time than you could count. But you weren't good for him. You needed to tell him that. You needed him to know that you brought more harm than good. Your pores raised at the thought of seeing him again, pretending that you don't feel anything. But you had to.

"I thought I lost you." You looked up, and there he was. Eyelids heavy, hair tangled and falling freely off his shoulders but he was smiling. 

"You would be better off if you did."

He was glaring now. Jaw clenched and metal fingers tightened in a strong fist.

"Don't you _dare_ say that. After everything you're still trying to push me away?"

"It's not about you! I...Look at everything that happened? Bucky, you've been through hell. I won't be another problem for you."

"Shut up."

"I-"

"No. I'm going to talk and you're going to listen."

You picked at the bed sheet and stifled back a few tears as he walked over to you.

"It's not your fault that that psycho did this to you, do you hear me? Just like it's...it's not my fault that I...killed and tortured so many innocent people..."

His voice broke at the end, and you fought the hand reaching out to him.

"Don't you see that? It's not _your_ fault, and it's not _mine. Y/n,_ I saw the photos...the bruises...what he did to you...you deserved so much more and I'm sorry you didn't get that. I'm sorry that you felt the only way to get away from him was to...to..."

He sighed and closed his eyes.

"I want to be the one to give you what you deserve. To take away your pain, you love you, to make you see how amazing and wonderful and beautiful you are...because you are."

In that moment, you realized just how much you and Bucky were alike. You were both victims of abuse and torture, running from the past and trying to catch your breath. Yoi both had your demons, and you didn't want to add another problem to his life, but maybe together you would be able to heal from it. 

You looked up at him and wordlessly held his hand, surrendering to his proposal.

You would be okay. Both of you would be okay.

* * *

You ran a finger along the scars on your wrist, a reminder of the life you once lived, the trauma you once had. You looked out amongst the water, the cool breeze brushing the coloured leaves on the tree branches against eachother. You smiled as you inhaled the calm, the wonder, the beauty of it all. 

"Doll?"

Bucky's honeyed voice wafted through the air and you called back.

"I'm out here."

You felt his presence even before he wrapped his arms around your shoulders and kissed your cheek. 

"How are my two girls doing?"

He rubbed his hand along your swollen stomach, and you giggled at his touch.

"We're okay. I think she wants pizza tonight."

"Does she want pepperoni or sausage?"

"Hmm...both. She's got a meat mouth. Just like her dad."

He chuckled and kissed your head, rubbing his hand along the curve of your belly. The fading sunlight reflected off the wedding band around his finger and you smiled.

"I almost can't believe I'm here...with you...all this."

"Believe it sweetheart, because I'm never leaving you. Not now, not ever. I love you. And I love you."

He leant down and kissed your slightly exposed underbelly and you shook your head,

"I'll go get the pizza."

"Don't forget the-"

"Breadsticks and pie, I know." 

Bucky chuckled and put on his jacket, "I won't be long."

After gathering your order at your favourite pizzeria in the city, instead of pulling into the road that would lead him back home, Bucky turned into a dirt path, coming to stop at a small shed. He exited his car with a duffel bag and pulled out a key, unlocking the door and entering the wooden structure. He trudged down the stairs leading the an underground basement and stopped in front of a steel door with a keypad. After scanning his eye, he entered the door and shut it behind him. He walked down a few more corridors and went over the same security measures before entering a white room with a man heavily restrained by his limbs, mouth covered with a guard. As soon as the man laid eyes on Bucky his muffled screams ran through the air.

"I told you I'd be back."

Bucky opened the duffel and pulled out a knife.

"And when I make a promise, I always keep that promise."

A smile slowly stretched across his face as he approached Jason. Ready to finally put an end to the secret vengeance he'd been executing for a couple years on the man that laid his hands on you. 

-

When Bucky returned home, you wasted no time in sinking your teeth into the cheesy food, cuddling up with your husband on the couch watching whatever movie was on. When Bucky's phone rang, he excused himself and went outside.

"Hey, Steve."

" _You really did a number on him_ ,"

"That a*shole deserved worse. Don't tell me you disagree."

" _Hey, I was the one who went along with your whole plan in the first place. Faking that prison transfer was my idea, so don't ask me if I have second thoughts."_

"Good. Sorry to leave the mess but I had to get back home."

" _Right. To your wife and your baby."_

 _"_ I did this for them."

" _Sure it wasn't for you?"_

Bucky didn't answer and Steve sighed.

 _"Look...I understand why. But I just hope you got what you wanted_."

Bucky looked through the window at you, laughing, tomato sauce dripping down your chin and you struggling to get it off the blue pajama shirt you were wearing. He smiled.

"I did, Steve. I finally did."

With that he hung up and returned to his spot on the couch, wrapping his arm around you and taking a slice.

"Who was it?" You asked as you ran your fingernail over the drying red stain on your shirt.

"Steve."

"And you didn't let me say hi?"

"Top secret mission sweetie, you know you aren't allowed details."

"Whatever. I'm glad they gave you that consultant job but sometimes I wish I could get the juicy details too."

"Trust me doll. It's better if you don't."

You rolled your eyes and laughed when he gave you a quick peck and pulled you closer to him.

Yeah. Bucky had everything he wanted, and no one would ever take it away from him again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for putting up with my story Haha. I won't lie I had a completely different plan for this, but I really didn't know how to put it together. I kind of gave up and decided to end it. Hopefully it didn't suck too much. But thank you so much for reading. I'm working on focusing more on plots for my other stories, and I hope to craft better ones in the future. Thanks again!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Don't be afraid to leave a comment, they're always welcome! Hope you enjoy!


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